Last nite was so awesome!  i went over to liz domask's house to stay overnight for a girls' night.  it was more like a girls' night out.  it was me, machia, nicki, leah, brianna, amy, and of course liz.  we all got to liz's around 7 and got ready to leave for aquarius at 7:30.  we got there on time for a change.  the only other time we got there on time was the first time we ever went.  well, it wasn't too fun right away, but we got a speaker, which was awesome.  we wanted to end the summer with a bang, and of course we did.  there was a girl there with her big frilly ponytails and lezzie friends, and she had the biggest bidonkadonk (thanx 4 the great word machia!).  she was such a b****!  since i was on the edge, she was pushing everybody over to me, so i almost fell off the speaker, and i so would have sued her sorry behind if i fell off the edge of the speaker.  well, newayz.  the night went pretty well, except for the guys who we danced with that totally violated our privacy.  of course, leah had to have one of the guys dance w/ me.  i felt so gross, and o, nicki and liz were not there to back me up!  jk i didn't mind, at least i had machia, amy, and brianna to feel icky with.  i got so mad at the guys who wouldn't dance w/ me and machia, but o well, we had each other.  i was kinda disappointed when amy's dad had to pick us up at 11 instead of 11:30.  i was about ready to go up 2 one of the guys who was standing behind me (total hottie!) and ask him to dance, but we had to leave.  perfect timing, right?  oh well.  there's always next year, i guess, when i have more confidence.  what is it w/ me newayz?  i never have enough courage and confidence to go up to a guy and ask him if he wants to dance with me.  oh well, i'll work up enough confidence next year. 

when we got back to liz's we all talked about guys from our school, and anthony just kept working back into our conversation.  i was kinda disappointed, cuz of course i wanted to talk about josh, and why he was bothering me so much, but oh well, i'll get more time to talk about him later.  i slept off and on last night, so i kinda missed some of the conversations that the others had. 

i got home from liz's this afternoon at about1.  then i had 2 go 2 my grandma stromme's house in byron.  her and my grandpa have the hottest neighbors!  they're high school age and i'm totally crushin!  of course, i don't know their names and they don't kno mine, so i don't think it would even work out.  but i'll somehow find a way 2 get 2 kno them before they graduate this year (i think!).  i did my homework @ my grandma's and now all i have to do is study 4 a stupid history quiz that we have tomorrow.  i'm not looking forward to starting our second week of school.  i'll update about how it goes tomorrow night.

so, yea.  2 day was a better day than most.  i brought my yearbook 2 school so everyone could sign it, and who did most of them write about?   me and josh hookin up.  i coulda died.  what if josh had accidentally seen it.  or worse, some of his friends?  that woulda really sucked monkey balls.  ugh, i actually liked it tho, cuz i kno they support me all the way.  omg!  levi is such a dick!  i was open tons of time in ultimate football 2day, and he never once threw me the ball!  not once!   i even proved 2 him that i can catch a football cuz i got an interception.  brianna was even there, so she can back me up if nobody believes me.  i was so pissed @ him.  leah asked josh if i could wear his jersey 2morrow, and he said yes.  i was so happy!  i'll have 2 get it from him in the morning, tho.  hopefully jake gives christy his jersey 2morrow 2.  i'm bringin a camera so i can take pictures of all of us.  it should be a lota fun.  i was @ school 2day 4 13 1/2 hrs.  it totally sucked!  first i was there bcuz of regular school, and then i was there 2 help my mom set up the concession stand 4 dance, then i watched leah machia christy erin amy and megan play volleyball 4 bsquad, then i stayed 4 the varsity game.  the only interesting thing was when me and nicki boyscouted, but the varsity game was pretty interesting 2.  4 out of the 5 kasson volleyball teams won agains kenyon-wanamingo: eighth grade, ninth grade, bsquad, and varsity.  the seventh graders didn't win (tear tear).  the exciting thing about 2nite was when alex felegy (major cutie!) came 2 sit by me and when we talked off and on.  i felt so special cuz he wasn't talkin 2 any of his other friends, o, and he passed his practice permit test.  go alex!  o, by the way, it's free hugs day (it's always free hugs day 4 me), so grab a friend and give him/her a hug!  luv bunchez~ meghan

well, i just got back from seeing the movie (the notebook).  it was awesome!  if u haven't seen it, it's really good.  now, it's my favorite one.  we all cried (we as in nicki, amy, liz, me, my cousin, and brianna).  o, and the hott guys r a major plus (ryan gosling especially!).  well, gotta go.  luv bunchez~ meghan

I am so happy!  I just got off the phone w/ josh!  he called me 2 talk about "stuff."  he apologized, which i thought was really sweet, and he also said that he liked me just the way i am.  so here goes.  this is the story about y he lied 2 me and he made me mad.  ok.  here goes:  alicia had asked him a week b4 the actual game if she could wear his jersey, cuz she's a cheerleader, so she needs 2 wear a jersey on game day.  he told her she could, and then he totally forgot that he said yes 2 her when christy asked him 4 me.  he finally put 2 and 2 2gether on friday morning, so he decided he wouldn't let me or her wear it that day, so he wouldn't make either of us mad.  so, newayz.  alicia came up 2 him in a really skimpy halter top on friday, so he decided 2 give it 2 her so she wouldn't have 2 walk around overexposed.  that's why he didn't give it 2 me, cuz i m all 4 the whole modesty thing, and he likes me the way i m and he doesn't want me 2 change.  well, newayz.  we had a long discussion bout school and stuff, and he told me he'd talk 2 me 2morrow in school.   i'm so happy!  josh is actually bein really nice 2 me now. 

well, onto school.  it was actually quite boring 2day.  except 4 the fact that me, machia, leah, and brianna wore short skirts, t-shirts/tank tops, flip-flops, and toe socks to school.  we didn't really have an occasion 2 do it 4, we just did it 4 fun.  we got a lot of looks in the halls 2day, but who cares?  we were just bein ourselves.  also, i had womens' ensemble tryouts 4 choir @ 7:10 this morning, and i didn't have a voice bcuz of the volleyball game last night.  o well, i don't kno who made it yet, but i don't really care if i make or not.  well, that's about it.  now i'm doin my hw, which has taken me since 3:15.  i hate history!  i have a huge test in that class that i still have 2 study 4.  well, gotta go.  luv bunchez~ meghan

Hey Hey!  nothing new really happened 2 me 2day, cept 4 the fact that it rained all day and all night yesterday, and it rained all day again 2day.  it's not fair.  triton and hayfield and tons of other schools got 2 get out of school 2day bcuz of the amount of rain they got and all the flooding going on.  i was so pissed when i woke up this morning, and we still had school.  it was so sucky.  well, newayz, i guess the mantorville bridge is getting pretty close 2 being flooded, so if we get nemore rain, it probably will b flooded.  that would be kinda cool. 

well, about my school day.  i had a short mandatory mtg this morning w/ mrs. sprague about the play.  i have 2 pay 70 dollars 2 b in it!  it sux!  o well, as long as i have sumthin 2 do, right?  the rest of my day was, as usual, boring and not 2 fun.  i wrote a note 2 josh, asking him if i can wear his jersey on friday 4 the football game.  he hasn't answered me yet, but i have my fingers crossed.  me and nicki spied on him while he went 2 his locker and found the note in his locker.  he looked so funny!  well, gotta go.  i'm kinda hopin 4 another phone call from josh 2nite, so he can answer me if i can or cannot wear his jersey on friday.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so today was a normal day.  one thing was missing, though.......anna.  i missed her so much today.  i feel so sorry for her, just laying in that hospital bed all by her little lonesome.  o well, we're going to visit her tomorrow (we as in me and "the gang") and give her a little surprise.  guess what!  i got to wear josh's jersey in school today.  i guess last night at the volleyball game, my friends went up to him and asked him if i was wearing his jersey and he said yes.  but then he told them that he would rather have me talk to him instead of them or me writing him notes.  so this morning my friends were begging me to go talk to him, so i finally did, with brianna at my side of course.  he was studying for biology (shame,shame, he didn't do it the night before), so i didn't feel like bothering him too much otherwise he would get annoyed with me.  he told me his jersey was in his locker, so brianna went and got it for me.  so i wore it.  i was so happy!  now i know that he doesn't hate me cuz he let me wear it, and if he did hate me, why would he let me wear it?  okay, so the day went by pretty slowly, like always.  in choir, though, we all signed a big card for anna that anna sannes had made.  i almost choired cuz i was so happy that everyone was signing it for her.  then, while the sopranos were singing, i caught josh staring at me, and when i looked at him and smiled, he gave me a really weird look.  oh well.  so now i'm just hanging out with my little brother at home getting ready for the football game tonight.  go komets!  good luck josh!  hopefully we win tonight, we play against triton.  hopefully i'm able to go to the girls' night at liz's house tonight, cuz i haven't been able to go to one yet.  well, i better go.  luv bunchez~ meghan

ok, so last night i went to the football game.  it was so much fun, we won 49-0!  GO KOMETS!  well, i was wearing josh's jersey (yea!), and people kept asking me if we were going out, which we aren't (damnit!).  after the game, me and nicki lined up with all the other komet fans and said good job to all the football players.  i got a hug from oscar, and then josh came by, and i got an *extra special* hug from him.  i was so happy.  then we all went over to liz's (we as in me, machia, ryan (mcginley, irish man), anthony, amy, nicki, leah, and of course liz).  we had so much fun outside, we had a bonfire and talked, and then we played tackle football.  after the guys had to go home at 12:30, liz and nicki decided to talk outside, and the rest of us talked inside, but then at about 1:00 we went to bed.  so i guess mike (liz's brother) got home at about 3:00 in the morning, but we were sleeping so liz and nicki only talked to him, and i didn't even see him this morning (dang).  well, leah and machia had a volleyball tournament this morning so they had to leave, but the rest of us went in to visit anna in the hospital in our pajamas.  it was nicki's idea *i heart u, nicki* to make anna feel more comfortable when she has to wear pajamas all the time.  it was a very sad 45 minutes, i wanted to cry so hard, but i didn't want to make anna feel bad, and we were having fun with her so i didn't want to ruin the moment.  and i just got back about an hour ago, and i'm getting ready to go babysit!  yea!  o, i almost forgot.  i guess josh called me when i was at liz's, but when i tried to call him back, he wasn't at home, he was at A.J.'s.  o well, i'll just talk to him tomorrow in church.  i'm so confused.  well, i'll probably update later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so today has been really boring.  first i went to sunday school (josh wasn't there! boohoo!), and then i had to go to my cousin's birthday party.  i went with my mom, my little brother, my aunt, and my three cousins.  we had a packed van, so it was pretty stuffy.  i hate going to my cousin's house because they live all the way in blue earth and there's five kids in the family, three of them being really obnoxious all of the time.  i hate it because they're always so loud and giving me headaches, and asking me questions, and so on and so forth.  hahaha i like that saying.  well, anyways, when i got home @ about 5, i had to write my rough draft of my autobiography for language/composition, and it's due tomorrow.  it was really quite boring, and now i'm looking forward to going to the fca meeting (fellowship of christian athletes) tonight at seven thirty at peter christopherson's house.  it should be a lot of fun.  well, i better finish typing my homework.  luv bunchez~ meghan

ugh, i hate pep band, but i have to play in about an hour and a half.  it sucks, cuz i had to skip out going to see anna in the hospital just to play in the stupid pep band.  o well, at least brianna and josh will be there playing with me.  maybe i'll talk to josh and ask him for his jersey,  hmmmmmmmmmm *dreaming*  well, anyways.  i got an email from brady today *guy from camp* and i got one from keifer.  he's dropping hints to me about not having a date to prom.  i wanna go, but i like josh, i am so confused about this whole thing.  i think i need to tell keifer that i just want to be friends with him, but......but.......but, well, i guess i'm scared to do it, cuz i dont want to break his heart.  ugh.  i'm so dumb for doing this.  my friends have great advice, but i don't know if i want to follow it, or if i just want to ignore it.  i don't know what to do!  ugh!  well, gotta go.  luv bunchez~ meghan

omg!  did i say prom in my last blog?  i meant, homecoming.  whew that was close.  i really don't want to go to prom, just yet, but that's just me.  well, i really have to go right now.  i'll update about the soccer game and pep band later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay.  i've written like five blogs today, but who cares.  anyways, i forgot to mention that josh said i could PROBABLY wear his jersey on friday, so i hope nobody else asks him.  *crosses fingers*  i really need it.  i can't live without it.  *jk*  luv bunchez~ meghan

today i have had such a mood swing.  This morning i was fine, but this afternoon it just got worse.  take choir, for example.  it was totally dead quiet in the room, but i just started laughing, for no apparent reason, and then i just felt like crying.  and then i did cry when erin told me that her kitten had died *poor tj!*.  but i wasn't just crying for tj, i was crying because all my emotions just had to come out or i woulda burst.  i'm confused, happy, sad, stressed, and depressed all at the same time, it seems.  i'm gonna call josh tonight and talk to him about it because i think he is part of the reason why i am like this.  hmmmmmm.......i need to get more sleep too.  that's probably most of the reason.  thank you so much to all of my friends that helped me through today.  i wouldn't have been able to pull through and stay in school all day if it weren't for you.  *i heart all of you* 

anna, i love you.  you are always in my prayers.  i hope surgery went well. 

well, i'll update about my talk with josh hopefully later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

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okay, so first of all, my day was great *i wore josh's jersey!*, but it wasn't for my bestest friend nicki.  *i wuv u nicki!*  she found out that my other friend, leah, liked the guy that nicki liked.  i feel like i should do something, but i don't know what.  i'm gonna keep tryin 2 help nicki out of her sadness *put on a happy face* and get her onto a new guy.  i never want to see nicki depressed and sad, because then i get depressed and sad because i love her so much.  we have all been very stressed this week because of anna, but this just makes it worse.  so tonight is the football game in byron and we are gonna have so much fun!  we're gonna go boyscouting, drink mountain dew, eat chocolate, and just plain be hyper.  i'll definitely get her mind off of you-know-who.  it's gonna be just a girls' night at the football game night tonight, if you know what i mean.  oh, and i hope i don't see keifer there because i'd just get depressed and sad, and i really don't want to add to my emotions.  i definitely do not want to have another emotional breakdown again because that was horrible.  it just didn't feel good to be down all the time.  oh, did i mention that i got to wear josh's jersey again today?  yeah, he gave it to me last night to wear when we dropped him and jake off at his house.

oh, about last night!  it was so awesome!  josh and jake walked to my house from school after football practice *stupid boys, we would've picked them up at the school, but no, they had to walk* nicki came over at 6:45 and my mom picked us up at my house @ 7.  it was awesome.  the guys picked out bible verses to read to anna when we got to the hospital, and that definitely cheered her up.  she looked so good!  me and nicki gave anna the cards that christy and malinda m got for her.  she was very excited by us all being there.  i'm sure she got a surprise because she didn't know we were going last night.  josh, her boyfriend, was there when we got there.  well, on the way home from the hospital, i was really tired, so i turned halfway in my seat and laid on my headrest and my arm rested on josh's knee because that was my most comfortable position.  then he put his hand on my arm *giggling* and of course, being the blonde i am, i looked at him and he took his hand off!  stupid me!  oh well, i better go.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so i'm writing this in school because i can't at home.  you know how i went to aquarius without my friends knowing, well they know now and they grounded me for two weeks for it!  ugh!  i'm so pissed!  i wish i could live with nicki or liz or amy or somebody, instead of my parents.  you know what?  i think it was one of my friends' parents that told my 'rents.  ugh!  oh well, i can still do stuff, so it's not that bad, i guess.  like last night, for example, i got to go to the b-squad and varsity volleyball games with my friends because i had to be there for pep band anyways.  and even after pep band was over, i could stay til the end of the game.  which we won by the ways!  yea komets!  wahoo!   well, newayz, i can't go to nicki's sweet 16 party, ugh pooop!  but i can still go to my youth group bonfire/supper thingy, and that's where i get to talk to josh about "us."  i have more pep band next week, i can go to the homecoming dance, coronation, and fca on sunday night.  the only thing that i hate is i can't go on the computer at home, unless i have homework to do. 

okay, about sunday night's phone call with josh (if you didn't know about it, now you do).  he called me and told me that he was thinking about me.....him......us.  he asked me what i thought about us:  if i wanted to be friends, not friends at all, or more than friends.  of course, i told him more than friends, and he asked me why.  WHY?  he should really know the answer, i like him, that's why.  well, newayz, we are planning to talk about it at the bonfire thingy on saturday night.  *crosses fingers* hopefully it goes really well!  luckily christy and jake will be there to keep  us company, because i would feel really uncomfortable if they weren't.  oh, and we haven't talked at all this week.  i am so pissed, and i think he's mad at me, on top of it all.  this whole thing is so complicated.  why can't i just get rid of my feelings or something?  oh well, i guess. 

tonight i have mountain movers, junior choir, and senior choir at church.  it should be fun since christy will be there with me, along with sam, and adam, josh's little brother.  yeah!  oh, and i have play practice in about ten minutes.  yeah!  well, gotta go.  luv bunchez~ meghan

hey guys!  i'm doing homework right now (supposed to) and i thought i'd update, since i can't normally because i'm grounded.  okay, this week has been pretty normal.  nothing new really happened, except anna started coming to school!  yay!  well, newayz.  me and christy went to the kasson football game last night with my dad.  it was in stewartville and it was their homecoming.  it was soooooo cold!  i almost froze my ass off, but i didn't, luckily.  we won: 45-6!  yay komets!  i slept in this morning and then cleaned my room *oh joy* and now i'm doing my homework and getting ready for the mountain movers bonfire.  i'm kinda nervous because josh is going to be there and we are going to have our talk about "us"  so wish me luck with that because i hope it goes really well.  tomorrow is nicki's sweet sixteen and the second FCA meeting.  happy birthday nicki!  *i wuv u!*  well, i better be going.  luv bunchez~ meghan

sorry guys, those really intended to say:

HE KISSED ME!

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yay!  i'm not grounded anymore!  but it still feels like i am cuz i have a lot of homework to do today and i can't do anything else until it's done.  darnit!  oh well, at least i don't have the agony of knowing my friends can do stuff today and i can't cuz i'm grounded, i just have homework, which isn't so bad.  okay, i'm rambling on and on and on.  sorry about that. 

anyways, now i'm gonna talk about homecoming, which was two days ago.  it wasn't too bad, it was actually a lot better than the beginning of the week.  the only bad thing, tho, was when emily wore josh's jersey for first block, and then didn't wear it for the rest of the day until after school.  if she wasn't gonna wear it, why couldn't i?  anyways, i'm fine with it, i guess.  i was wearing my band shirt that i decorated and so was brianna.  we were twins.  well sorta.  it was pretty fun.  the hall looked great!  we got third place, tho, the freshman beat us!  i can't believe it!  we were totally jipped.  i still don't know who won the float decorating contest.  i guess i'll just have to find out on monday in school.  if anybody knows, please let me know because i don't want to be left out of the loop for too much longer.  the parade on friday afternoon was kinda boring because i had to march in it for dance.  i didn't have too much fun, i woulda much rather have been watching it with nicki and everybody else.  oh well, i guess, i'll just be smarter next year and watch it instead of being in it, unless it's for something exciting.  well, anyways.  enough rambling.  at the game on friday night *we won!  37-0!  go komets!*  i saw keifer, but he was hanging out with colleen duffy.  *gag*  he was there because the byron bears were in lake city and he said he didn't feel like driving all the way there.  band played during halftime, but it was so cold i can't remember how good i did because i couldn't feel my fingers.  i really shoulda had those mitten/glove thingimerbobbers that i coulda played in.  it woulda made me feel much warmer.  i stayed for the rest of the football game and then went to the dance.  it was so fun.  we had the whole gym, thank goodness, instead of a puny half-gym.  that was fun.  josh was there, but he didn't ask me to dance *tear* which is fine with me because i think he's embarrassed of me anyways.  since his friends don't like me *except for a few exceptions* i might as well not embarrass him in front of them.  see how considerate i am?  hehehehe  i danced with jason to one song, and i danced with sean to two songs.  i hope josh saw me cuz i want him to see how i really am, instead of being some modest goody-girl that he thinks i am.  in know he was watching me some of the time because my friends told me he was.   he shoulda gotten a wake-up call there.  i got home from the dance at about 12:30 and i didn't get in bed until about 1:30.  i was so tired, but then i just relaxed yesterday.  well, i better go.  if i wanna go to the movie at four *sharktale* i have to have most of my homework done.  luv bunchez~ meghan

why won't you come up to me

and tell me all your secrets

of the past and of the present,

and maybe of your future.

i would like to know all about

the person i am devoted to

and share my life with him

through the good and the bad

so if you have a secret,

please don't keep it from me.

and i will tell you everything

that makes our lives more perfect.

copyright 2004 meghan stromme

have you ever loved me

with your heart so true

have you ever seen me dance

across the floor for you

have you ever talked to me

so honestly it hurt

or have you ever hurt inside

because you've seen me flirt

have you ever been jealous

of me with another guy

or have you even noticed

the sparkle in my eye

have you ever hated me

for speaking honestly and true

have you ever loved me

for i have always loved you

copyright 2004 meghan stromme

your eyes have a sparkle

that keeps me mystified

they are such a clear blue

that keeps you purified

i look into your eyes

with an utmost passion

for those beautiful eyes

will never be out of fashion

copyright 2004 meghan stromme

i need help

but no one's around

no one can hear me choking

with fear i'm gonna drown

you left me here all alone

to cry away the pain

but i soon fell in

when i slipped in the rain

i'm soon gonna realize

that this will be the end

but i soon feel a tugging

and i'm looking at your hand

thank you, baby

for saving me

without your help

i'd be flying free

copyright 2004 meghan stromme

i need your help

one last time

i need your hand

to take away my crime

i have stolen your heart

and it's time to give it back

but i need one last thing

before i send you to pack

i need you to help me

realize the purpose of life

or i will finally feel

the pain of a knife

copyright 2004 meghan stromme

i'm lying here

on the floor

no one can reach me

i've locked the doory

i've reached my end

the time has come

my eyes are glazed

and my heart is numb

your face crosses my mind

as it often does

i think of what we were

and how it was

i try to awaken

to go back to you

but i can't move

'cuz my life is through

copyright 2004 meghan stromme

i get this strange feeling

every time i think of you

your face is so familiar

but it seems completely new

your eyes look deep inside me

and your lips whisper my name

the strange feeling returns

always to remain

i wonder why this happens

why you're always in my head

i figure that it happens

all because you are dead

i did something horrible

i let my heart go free

you committed suicide

all because of me

copyright 2004 meghan stromme

why would you say something

that just sounds so cruel

you played me so much

like i was some sort of fool

you need to know that

i'm almost over you now

but i don't understand why

i guess i am somehow

you broke my heart

i guess you never loved me

you just lied to my face

not once, twice, but three

you called me a liar

when i tried to confront you

you're the one playing me

i guess you're the liar too

copyright 2004 meghan stromme

i'm hoping for just one thing

that you'll ask me out

or that we'll have a talk

about what you're all about

i'm hoping that you'll give a kiss

that signifies good night

i'm hoping for this one thing

i wish with all my might

i know i must be dreaming

my hoping won't come true

i'm just hoping for the courage

so i can talk to you

copyright 2004 meghan stromme

okay, so today was alright, i was really hyper all day, but yesterday totally sucked!  i just wanted to die.  it's not even funny: i didn't feel good, this josh thing has gotten me totally screwed up, and i was crabby and tired and all the things that i get when i get no sleep the night before.  okay, so on tuesday night, i was at the volleyball game, right?  so i was talking with leah about josh (total asshole, in my eyes) when he walked by us with his friends.  so when leah saw him, she's like, hey josh!  and she waves to him and he waves back and says hey, but when he looks at me when i waved to him, he looked right at me and totally ignored me.  i wrote a poem about that and you'll see it in the next blog.  now, if you don't know the whole story with josh, read all my other blogs because it's too long of a story to say right now.  he's being a total dick!  i hate it, because he never talks to me, and whenever he looks at me and smiles anymore like he used to.  every since the "kiss" it's been different, it's like he just used me and brought me up and then let me fall to the ground to kill myself or something.  ugh.  it's pisses me off.  and it's not like leah's so much better than me (no offense leah, i consider us equal) and he should acknowledge us both, not just one person, especially the person that doesn't like him.  i wouldn't be so mad if he had just waved to me out of courtesy, he didn't even acknowledge me at all. oh, it pisses me off even more just to think that i was like, head over heels for him, and he just blew me off like that.  maybe i'm making a big deal out of it, but it still pisses me off.  i could rant about this all day if i wanted to, but i won't because i have other things to talk about.

okay, so today in school i was really hyper and me and liz tried to talk like dave chapelle in language/composition.  it was really funny because she ended up sounding like an alien and i ended up sounding like kermit the frog.  fricken funny!  i started laughing so hard, i started crying.  pathetic right?  that's just how hyper i was.  then in choir, i kinda settled down, but got right back hyper again in band.  there must be something in playing trumpet and seeing pete maas in a suit that makes me hyper again.  pete looked "spiffy" in his gray checkered suit that he wore today that he found in his dad's closet.  way to go pete!  i love your courage.  well, i better go.  luv bunchez~ meghan

i hate the way you look at me

like i'm not even there

it's like you look right through me

you give me a dead stare

your friends are all around you

you don't even notice me

when we're all alone

i'm all that you see

i hate the way you act so different

around me and your friends

our relationship will never work

i'm sorry, but this is the end

copyright 2004 meghan stromme

okay, so first of all, i think things are actually starting to get better with josh.  i mean, he actually brought up the jersey thing.  for those of you who don't know, he actually asked me to wear his jersey yesterday instead of me asking him for it.  so now, i don't think i can stay mad at him.  oh, and, while i was at brianna's house last night, i sent him an email talking about liz's party and how hyper i was and how we should get together sometime.  he actually agrees with me.  i got an email from him tonight and it really brought my spirits up.  i don't know, maybe it will actually work out.  i'm hoping it does. 

well, anyways, last night the football game was cold, but not as cold as it was at my little brother's soccer game this morning.  i had a blanket and a sleeping bag wrapped around me this morning when i only had my thin fleece carebear blanket hardly wrapped around me last night.  well, anyways, we won 17-6 last night!  go komets!  like, three of the sophomores got to play, but they didn't get to play for very long.  i was kinda disappointed, but oh well, we won anyways.  you know, i should have really gone out for football!  then i wouldn't have to play in pep band!  lol, no i woulda never gone out for football, i would probably die if i ever did that.  well, anyways, i went shopping today after my brother's soccer game and bought part of my halloween costume, ryan cabrera's cd, and some stickers for scrapbooking.  the stuff i got for my costume is awesome.  red fishnets, red fake metallic eyelashes, and some really cool glitter makeup stuff.  maybe i'll see if i can wear brianna's slutty boots.  that would be awesome.  i still don't know what else i'm gonna wear though.  i might have to borrow some other people's stuff.  oh well, hopefully i can find something to wear, if i can even go to liz's party on friday.  i'm crossing my fingers, and my parents have been hinting that i might be able to which would be so friggin awesome!  well, i better go.  i'm so dang tired right now, i'm gonna go to bed.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so here's the deal.  tonight is fca.  i'm hoping that josh will actually not ignore me, and i'll be able to hang out with him.  we've been emailing each other back and forth.  cute little emails, you know?  and we've talked about warming each other up at liz's party and all that.  but i don't know how it's going to work out.  i definitely don't want a relationship with him that i have to hide from his friends because i wouldn't be able to stand it.  if that's the kind of relationship that he wants with me, screw that, i won't do it.  it defeats the purpose of actually having a relationship with the guy i like.  if he likes me, why wouldn't he want his friends to know, you know?  i don't know, it's all confusing, but i'll see how it all turns out.  oh, and it sounds like he's really looking forward to liz's party.  it really sounds like i can go and he isn't doing anything, so hey, maybe we'll go together.  that would be awesome, cuz, hey, i really like him.

okay, here it goes.  you can ask me any three questions you want, and i have to answer them....truthfully.  so, go ahead and ask me, but then you have to put this in your blog too, unless you already have. 

i've been getting really pissed at my parents lately.  i don't know, they just agravate me, along with my brother.  maybe it's just my hormones, but it's been happening a lot lately.  oh, and i'm also getting mad at my friends for no reason.  i haven't told anybody yet, but if it seems like i'm mad at you, let me know, cuz i might not realize it.  i think i'm just going "through a stage," you know what i mean?  well, i better go and finish my homework if i wanna do stuff tonight. 

luv bunchez~ meghan

hey everyone!  sorry i haven't updated lately, but i just got back from wisconsin yesterday and i've been really busy since.  okay, first of all, wisconsin was kinda sucky.  i mean, there were lots of really hott guys (what a plus!), but i couldn't go swimming until the last night and that was only for two hours (if you don't know why, you obviously don't need to know).  most of you should know why, but hey, if you don't, i'm sorry.  but anyways, i got home yesterday afternoon.  i am so glad i'm home.  i don't know if i can live in a small hotel room with my whole family for any longer than three days.  believe me, it sucks.  especially with my little brother.  ugh!  he makes me so mad sometimes.

okay, so last night was liz's party.  it was fun, don't get me wrong, but i thought it would be "funner" than it actually was.  i don't know, maybe i'm just post-pmsing if you know what i mean.  josh came last night, and it was fun, cuz we "cuddled."  the best part of last night was probably the talk that me and brianna had outside lying on the grass with josh.  we were so cold, but we didn't go in because we were having an awesome talk.  *i luv you bri!*  anyways, the talk was awesome!  me and her both realized that we're alike in a lot of ways.  especially our morals.  some of our friends do things that we realize that we would never do, even if it sounds like fun.  i mean, drinking and getting drunk and stuff sounds like a lot of fun, but i don't think it's all that worth it, especially if somebody's parents found out.  that would totally suck.  but anyways, i realized that i never want to lose brianna as a friend.  she's the kind of person that i can actually see myself being best friends with forever, along with some of my other friends. 

okay, i have one thing that has been on my mind forever.  the josh thing.  i know some of you are probably sick of me talking about him, but i can't help it.  right now i don't know what to do.  i want to have a serious relationship with him, but it doesn't seem like he wants to.  the only time we actually "hang out" and are all "close" and stuff is when we're around my friends and people who don't care about whether we're together or not.  i don't know.  i'm just really confused, just like i have been since the beginning of this dilemma.  is it worth it?  i really have no idea right now.  i know there are a couple of guys out there that actually want to hang out with me, including keifer and pete.  they're awesome guys and i wouldn't mind getting to know them better.  i don't know.  i need help.  if anybody has any advice, please let me know, cuz i think i need some.

i really miss brady!  for those of you who don't know about him, he's the guy i met at camp this summer and he's so awesome!  i miss talking to him because i could really open up to him.  i can't with josh or anybody else.  maybe it's because i haven't tried, but i don't know.  i just felt more comfortable with brady than i have with any other guy.  it's weird.  i still have feelings for him, but i haven't seen him since camp and i haven't talked to him since like a month ago.  i don't know.  i'm not going to give up on him though.

suicide.  i've thought about it a lot lately.  everything has been going wrong.  okay, maybe not everything, but it seems like everything has been going wrong.  especially with my family.  i don't know, it's like everything i do is wrong and then i blow up at my parents because i feel like i need to defend myself, but then it just gets worse.  it sucks.  if i didn't have all my friends who care about me, i don't think i'd be living anymore.  i always think of suicide when i'm having a tough time.  i seriously need some comfort.  maybe that's why i'm looking for a long term relationship.  i definitely need something there that keeps me grounded and makes me happy again. 

well, that's about it.  there's probably more i need to gush about, and if i think of something, i'll add it.  please reply because i need help, seriously.  well, gotta go. 

luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so first of all, today has been pretty boring.  nothing to do except go to church and do all of my boring homework.  i don't know, i just don't get into stuff like i used to.  maybe it's because i'm getting older.  i have no idea why i'm changing so dramatically.  it's actually kinda scaring me.  oh well.

i've been thinking a lot lately, which could be a bad thing.  first of all, i've been thinking about my life and how it sucks monkey's balls.  i hate it.  that's why i've been thinking about suicide a lot.  it's not like i want to die, it's just that i want to get rid of all this horrible stuff that's making my life hell.  i know, i know.  it's horrible to think about killing myself, but i can't help it.  i don't know, maybe i should just talk to a shrink about it.  i know for sure i can't talk to my parents about it because they would probably just make it worse, and i definitely do not want that to happen.  i seriously need to get away from my life (family, and everything) for just a little while.  of course i'd take my friends with me, but i need a vacation.  i just had one, but that didn't count because i was with my family and it just made my mood worse. 

guess what.  we talked about a girl who hung herself in sunday school today.  that got me thinking.  is it all worth it?  i know i would never kill myself, but is it worth it just to think about it?  i can't help it though, because whenever i get really depressed and sad, i think about making it better and just dying.  i've even thought about how i'd do it....overdosing.  look out everybody.  lock up your medicine cabinets if i'm gonna be around.  no, really, i wouldn't actually do it, but i'll let you know if i'm getting serious about it.  i really don't want to die, but hey my life is depressing you know?  okay, enough about this crap.  nobody has to worry about anything.  i'm not gonna kill myself, i'm just in that kind of a mood.

hopefully i can see the movie tonight.  if i don't i'll be mighty pissed.  it's ladder 49 with john travolta and the guy from the village and signs.  it looks really good.  hopefully i'll be able to go with brianna, nicki, and keifer, if he wants to go just as friends.  oh, about the whole guy situation.  i'm just gonna wait and see what happens.  i don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but i wanna be happy at the same time.  i don't know.  i'll just wait it out. 

well, if i wanna go to the movie, i better get going on my homework because i still have one and a half reports to do.  so i better get going.  please reply to this because i'm getting really bored.  well, gotta go. 

luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so maybe i'm freaking out and everything.  but questions have been forming in my mind for the past week.  like, should i stay friends with certain people, do i still like josh for the same reasons, and why does everybody think me and josh are going out? 

okay, for the first question.  some of my friends and i have been getting pretty distant, but i'm not sure who.  i'm just drifting away from some of them, i guess, and it's a pretty odd feeling because, idk, i want to stay friends with them forever or something.  it's awesome to have people there to talk to about my problems and stuff, but i have been only able to do that with a couple of my friends, especially brianna and nicki.  *i love you guys!*  idk, maybe things will get better, but if they don't, i know that i can rely on certain people to cheer me up when things get bad.  maybe i'll talk to these certain people, and maybe i won't.  i probably won't because i'm too big of a chicken, but hey, it's worth a try, isn't it?

on the second question.  i've been having mixed and confusing feelings about this josh thing.  my feelings are definitely changing for him, but i don't know if they're changing for the good or for the bad.  i really hope they're for the good, because i would love to have a relationship with him, but if it isn't for the good, i guess i just have to wait until the time is right.  i just don't want to break his heart (again, just like in seventh grade) when i realize something bad.  i love him to death, so i'm just gonna wait this whole thing out and hope for the best.

now, onto the third question.  i have had a couple of people ask me or one of my friends if me and josh are going out.  obviously there are signs that people are getting that me and him must be showing, cuz otherwise people wouldn't ask me that.  it was oscar and zack dean for people who don't know.  oscar is awesome and he's friends with josh (maybe josh told him) and zack dean is cool too, but he doesn't know josh, except from school.  i'm hoping that this relationship does progress, but for right now, me and josh are still friends.  zack even asked if me and josh were makeout buddies!  i wish!  hehehe

okay, so now for my day.  it's been pretty good, except for the fact that i was a total "dip" all day.  i've been saying things out of order, running into random things and people, and just acting plain weird.  idk, maybe it's because everything is confusing me and now my brain is just a big mass of nothing, or maybe it's because i have just been so stressed out over everything, including school, boys, family, and friends. 

well, that's about it for today.  nothing too depressing, which is a good thing.  i'm actually in a good mood for once.  yippee!  maybe things are getting better, but i doubt it.  well, i gotta go.  if you wanna talk, you know my number or just reply back to me.

luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so today was a good day, besides my big headache that i had literally ALL day. i don't know, i think it's probably just from not getting enough sleep last night, or all this week's nights for that matter.  i started feeling better after i had two aleve and some mountain dew, that is, i started feeling extremely hyper.  it was a strange feeling, but it was AWESOME!  i don't know, it was nice to be happy and hyper again.  i haven't been lately, actually i have, but it's kinda been covering up some of my feelings. 

some of these random feelings i have been having include sadness, happiness, extreme hyperness, and ecstaticness.  don't ask me what ecstaticness means.  i think it means something like i'm extremely happy or something.  i just like the word, so i wanted to put it in there. 

first of all, sadness.  what a funny word, actually, but enough of that.  wow, i actually have no idea why i've been sadly.  i'd have to say it's all due to the fact that i'm never getting enough sleep, i have a new guy in my life that is extremely nice (josh), my hormones are always changing, and i've been extremely stressed out about all my homework that has been due in the past week.  i don't know, there are times when i'm really happy and laughing a lot with my friends, but then i come crashing down and i'm in a terrible mood.  i just started having cheerleader highs, and they work really well when i'm in kind of a bad mood.  for all of you who don't know what cheerleader highs are, they are headache pills and mountain dew.  it's a great mix, it gets you really hyper and stuff, but you have to be ready for the fall down.  it's kinda sudden and you get all tired and stuff, but it's okay because it always happens to me when i'm at home.

pure happiness.  it doesn't happen much anymore.  oh sure, i'm almost always happy, but it's usually a cover up.  there are very few times when i'm "purely happy."  it kinda sucks because i used to be happy all the time.  maybe i'm finally becoming a real teenager.  i miss being happy all the time, though.  when i'm happy, it's like i don't have a care in the world.  it's pretty awesome, actually.

extreme hyperness.  whenever i have sugar or anything that makes anybody hyper.  i can even make myself hyper, even when i'm extremely depressed.  it's kind of weird actually, i think that's where the cheerleader highs come in.  

wow, okay, i just realized that this blog is extremely depressing and i didn't mean for it to be this.......ugh........heavy.  now about my day.  i had a pretty good day, except for another huge headache that i had.  it hurt really bad.  i wanted to cry again today because of a stupid headache.  otherwise, it was an overall good day.  josh actually came up to me and my friends and started talking to us about anything and everything.  it was actually kinda cool.  i'm glad he came up and talked to us, and then he did the same thing at the volleyball game tonight.  he didn't sit by his own friends, he sat by me and my friends, so i felt extremely special. but i felt bad because nicki and brianna kept beating on him, but i don't really mind because we're not going out, so i guess they can do whatever they want.  hey guys, i'm sorry that i didn't do the "are you nervous" thing.  i guess i really am quite a chicken.  i wanted to, but i guess i was just scared to do it in front of everybody.  i know, i know, i really shouldn't care, but i did.  hey brianna!  guess who i saw at the volleyball game!  ur honey bunny, or should i say, boy toy?  hehehe.  

well, i better go.  all i have to do for the things that are due tomorrow is finish my book report, which i'm almost done with.  i feel sorry for the people who aren't even close to being done, and that includes josh and many of my other friends.  well, if anything happens, i'll update, but i doubt that anything will.  i'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow in school.

luv bunchez~ meghan 

okay, today has been a pretty good day, or it was this morning at least.  i have been happier than normal, and this morning i was really excited because i was going to be able to go to the halloween bash tonight at the movie theater and josh was coming.  well, guess what, i found out that josh wasn't coming to the movie theater thing at all, he was going to malinda madery's party instead.  oh, and i got a "vibe" (i don't know how else to describe it) from him that said that he wasn't going to tell me at all.  why else would he be like, oh, yea, malinda madery's having a party tonight and i think i'm going to that.  he's known about this party for a couple of weeks now, (or so i have heard), and when i asked him about coming to the theater with me this week he said he could probably go unless his dad said he couldn't because he has a big football game tomorrow.  he's either totally lying to me or he just has the worst memory ever.  both of these are good possibilities, but i hate him for it.  this is what i have been afraid of all along.  i got really close to him, but then we didn't talk all day, and i found out he wasn't gonna tell me that he couldn't come to the bash, he was going to a party instead.  oh, and this party i'm talking about.  we were supposed to be invited to it, but malinda forgot to invite us.  (we as in my whole group of friends)  i just found out about it today (from josh, may i add) while tons of other people have known about it for at least a week.  maybe i'm making a big deal about it, but i can't help but worry, if you know what i mean.  i'm afraid of being hurt, and in a way, i was hurt by this.  a lot, actually.  i'm worried. 

but anyways.  the halloween bash was so fun.  the band was ransom stoddard and they are a christian rock band.  me, nicki, liz, and anna were up front dancing the whole time and i started crushing on the guitarist, which i probably wouldn't've been able to do with josh there.  so maybe it's a good thing josh wasn't there.  i had fun with derek.  he is so awesome and i love having him as a friend, especially since he's a senior.  i'm definitely going to miss him next year.  oh, and wren.  he's so cool.  i'm gonna miss him next year too.  okay, i really don't want josh to know, so if you know him, don't tell him what you're about to read.  i really like sam.  i know, i know.  you're probably thinking that i shouldn't, right?  i actually have for quite a while now, and we talked some today.  it was fun.  i'm so gonna miss him next year, too.  i'll miss a lot of my senior friends, actually, including cali and pete, and yes, even will.  oh, and speaking of will.  he's not a jerk to brianna anymore.  yay!  he actually helped her get enough courage to sit next to you-know-who.  i don't know if i'm supposed to say his name yet, or not.  brianna please let me know, but i'm so proud of you!  you have a lot of guts.  i'm glad you did it! 

well, i gotta go because i have to go to bed pretty soon.  i'll talk to y'all later.  tomorrow is another playoff game for football, so i'll update tomorrow on how we do.  go komets!  yahoo!

luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, wow.  that's all i can say about anything and everything that has happened to me this weekend.  everything that has happened has been kinda good, but it's just weird. 

yesterday was fine.  in the morning i woke up early (8:30) and went to do the highway pickup thing for dance at 9.  i got home at 10 and went back to bed until 11:30, when i had to eat lunch before i went to the football game.  the football game was awesome.  we played for pep band, but it was really cold.  anyways, kasson played caledonia for the season's second playoff game.  of course, we won 21-7, but it was a nail-biter (haha i like that saying!).  i was really nervous that we wouldn't win, but we did, so now i have nothing to worry about.  now we play plainview on friday at the winona state university field.  it's gonna be cool because i get to go for pep band and it'll be in a college stadium.  i can't wait!  well, anyways, after the football game, i got ready to go baby-sit at 6.  i got home at 10 and found out that josh had called me.  i was really mad that i missed it.  oh well, though, because i talked to him this morning at church.

this morning in sunday school, we talked about the touchiest subject the whole time:  what we think of ourselves.  i was quiet a lot because i know everybody would try to get me to change my mind when i said that i don't think of myself very highly at all.....ever.  it sucks, i know, but my sunday school teacher would never leave me alone if i told her that.  anyways, she eventually asked myself how often i thought bad of myself, and i told her the truth.  i told her that i thought bad of myself all the time, and i said it in front of everybody.  now everybody knows the truth, even erica jurrens.  now josh, jake, christy, cindy, bob, and erica know that i always think bad of myself.  then both of my sunday school teachers, bob and cindy, tried cheering myself up and telling me that their kids really look up to me and i'm a good role model.  i was thinking:  thanks for telling me, but it's not working.  it's not really cheering me up.  by this time, i was in a bad mood because everybody knew what i thought of myself.  it kinda sucked, but oh well.  finally, sunday school ended, and it was time for church.

after church, me and christy and jake went to josh's house.  yay!  we had pancakes and just hung out until we had to go back out to church for singspiration.  after singspiration, me and josh went out to his van "to talk."  no really, that's all we did, talked.  we talked about everything, even about how i've been thinking about committing suicide.  he knows a lot more about me now than he ever did before.  it was a deep discussion.  i actually liked pouring my soul out to him because i've never had a guy ask me how i feel about myself and all that.  after i told him about my suicidal thoughts, he gave me a big hug, and it worked.  i felt much better after that.  he knows that i would never do it, but those thoughts still linger in my mind all the time.  i'm glad he knows, because he would always be there for me, no matter what.  and my secrets are safe with him, too.  we are much closer now than we ever were before, and i'm glad about that.

so, now i'm home and it's almost 10:00.  i went to my grandparents' houses for halloween, but i didn't do anything special.  i went trick-or-treating with my baby cousins.  they were so cute.  you'll have to ask for my pictures of them when i get them developed.  they were adorable.  i'm gonna go to bed pretty soon, so i better go.  i'll talk to most of you tomorrow in school.

luv bunchez~ meghan

wow, what a boring day that i've had today.  not much has happened to me, except school (which was boring), play practice (even more boring), and homework, which i didn't have a lot of.  now i'm just chillin' by myself at home and checking my email and stuff.  sorry this entry isn't very long, but there's nothing important that i need to talk about. 

except for this:  happy sweet sixteen liz!  i love you and you're one of my bestest friends ever!  i'm happy for you about the you-know-who thing.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY (w/ hand on shoulder, hehehe)

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of you guys tomorrow in school.

luv bunchez~ meghan 

okay, first of all.  i've been starting to like some different guys.  it's not that i don't like josh, it's just that i don't think anything's going to happen with him, so i'm not gonna stop liking other guys.  first of all, there's rhen.  he's a senior and he's so awesome.  i've been talking to him a lot lately, especially since i sit by him in band (yes, i know!  i'm a band geek!).  then there's sam.  he goes to my church and i also talk to him a lot.  he's so cool, but i don't think i have a chance with him because i think he likes bridget o'neill.  i don't know, but i think he does.  then there's ryan.  he's a cool friend, but i'm definitely not going to pursue a relationship with him because 1- machia just broke up with him and 2- i'm supposed to have a "thing" with josh, and i don't want to make josh feel like i'm playing him.  there's also dustin.  for those of you who don't know him, he's from triton, and i met him at aquarius.  i thought there was something there, but when i went off to camp for a week, he got a girlfriend.  that really pissed me off, but i eventually got over it.  i just saw him on tuesday, and i realized that i still like him.  eric ferson.  ooh lala.  i like him, but i definitely don't have a chance with him.  why would i?  he's in the popular crowd, and i'm not really in it with him.  we're from two totally different worlds, so i know that it's not gonna happen at all.  yes, i'm negative, but it's the truth.  i don't have a chance with him.  then there's always josh.  he's such a great guy, but i just don't know what my feelings are for him.  i know that i really like him, but we never talk unless we're alone, and that doesn't really help.  i mean, i spilled my guts to him on sunday and now we're kind of more distant than we were.  okay, so all these "likings" are actually just little crushes.  except for dustin and josh of course.  i'm really confused right now because i don't know who i like, but i know who i wanna like, if you know what i mean.  if anybody has any advice for me, just let me know, cuz i think that i really do need help. 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of ya tomorrow. 

luv bunchez~ meghan

I won't talk, I won't breathe

I won't move till you finally see

That you belong with me

You might think I don't look

But deep inside the corner of my mind

I'm attached to you

I'm weak, it's true

"Cause I'm afraid to know the answer

Do you want me to?

"Cause my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing that's true

So I will not hide, it's time to try

Anything to be with you

All my life I've waited, this is true

You don't know what you do

Every time you walk into the room

I'm afraid to move

I'm weak it's true

I'm just scared to know the ending

Do you see me too?

Do you even know you met me?

I know when I go

I'll be on my way to you

The way that's true

okay, first of all, i just realized that i haven't written in this for, like, ever!  i can't believe it.  i've been so busy these past few days that i haven't had enough time to do my homework, check my email, or blog.  i wish i could tho because there's so much happening to me.  okay, so now i have time and i'm gonna update on everything that's been going on lately.

as most of you know, dance practice has started for me.  it's so incredibly hard!  we just started to learn our high kick dance last week, and tonight we're going to finish learning it!  we actually perform it a week from tonight at a basketball game!  i'm so nervous, and since i've been gone from a lot of practices because of the play, i'm so behind!  oh well, me and megan l are behind together so we can learn faster, but anyways.  jessy a can be such a *witch* sometimes.  hardly any of us are talking during practice while she's teaching us the dance, but she yells at all of us anyways.  it just pisses me off!  oh well, i guess.  beth sets her straight sometimes.  beth is our coach for those of you who don't know.  she took darcey's place!  yay!  i'm glad i don't have darcey as a coach anymore because she wasn't a very good coach anyways. 

about the play.  thanks to all of you who came and supported the play!  it was a lot of fun to do, but i'm kinda glad that it's over, so i have more time to concentrate on dance and my homework and stuff like that.  but, also, in a way, i'm gonna miss it.  i'm gonna miss hanging out with the seniors and juniors and everyone else who was involved with it.  i'm also gonna miss mrs. sprague.  she was the best!  thanks again to all of you who came to watch me and my friends!

josh.  what a wonderful subject to talk about (and i'm sorry if this paragraph gets a little long).  okay, so on sunday, anna's josh and my josh both came to the play.  now, they've met each other before, but they didn't really hang out with each other or anything like that.  well, they sat together and they became, like, instant best friends.  it was actually kind of funny because they were inseparable.  well, anna had told me before that she and josh were going to the movie, the incredible, at seven and me, amy, josh, and anthony were invited.  i didn't know if i should invite josh or not, but i did, and am i glad that i did.  well, we all went to the movie, and natalie tagged along, but she kept complaining because she was left out because she was the only one without a guy there.  *i still luv u nat!*  well, anyways, we had two of the rows with four seats and it was anthony, amy, me, and then josh in the front one and josh, anna, and natalie in the one behind us.  anna and josh were getting pretty close throughout the whole movie and so were amy and anthony.  i was feeling pretty stupid because josh was just sitting there doing nothing, making no moves or anything, while i had my hand on the armrest hoping he would grab it.  well, when we were three fourths into the movie, i had anna come to the bathroom with me because i had to talk to her about my situation.  so we talked it over and then when i got back i went to put my hand on the armrest, but it wasn't there anymore!  josh had moved it up!  i was so surprised, i started giggling, but then i quickly stopped.  finally, josh grabbed my hand, but we held hands for, like, the last ten minutes.  i was actually kinda disappointed because i wanted to hang onto it for longer than ten minutes.  but he liked it and he wants to do that again sometime.  i mean, go to the movie with the same group of people or maybe even more.  i'm so excited!  yay!

okay, so i don't think i have anymore things to talk about.  so, i better go.  i'll talk to y'all later.

luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so i'm sorry for not writing in this for a long time.  i've been extremely busy with dance, school, and any other thing that can possibly get me busy.  so here's an update:  me and josh are finally talking a lot more in school (he actually came up to my locker and walked with me to choir!), i got this josh thing cleared up (if you don't know about it ask me sometime), dance sucks (same old, same old), we have a performance on tuesday so we have really hard practices (but you should come to the performance anyways), and today i'm going to erin's sweet sixteen birthday party and i still haven't gotten her a present!  so, yea, i've been extremely busy, but i've actually written more poems and i'm gonna post one, so stay tuned!  hey, i maybe even post a little more than one poem!  well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to ya later. 

luv bunchez~ meghan

I'm tired of everything

That's happening to me

Everything seems to go wrong

Why can't people see?

I know I'm always depressed
But really I can't help it

It's really hard to act happy

When happy doesn't seem to fit

Why do bad things seem to happen

To me and only me?

My friends are always happy

Or at least pretend to be.

I try my best to be cheery

And not be too depressed

But I'm still tired of everything

Maybe it's time I need some rest

I'm really confused

Which story is true?

You won't tell people about us

Maybe I should be over you

Everything's so confusing

Now I just want to cry

My best friends are always there for me.

Through every little lie

All I really want to know

Is how you always do this

We seem to get along so well

Then there's something that I miss

My friends will all be there for me

When you are not

This confusion won't confuse me now

Even though I still like you a lot

copyright 2004 meghan

okay, so i'm in school right now and it really sux monkey balls.  i hate it.  i wish i could be home sleeping.  but at least we only have two full days of school and then we have a long five-day weekend.  yay!  finally, time to sleep in!  okay, so the josh thing is going really well.  we've talked a lot more and i got a really long email from him yesterday.  i finally know why i like him so much.  well, i better go before i get into trouble by my speech teacher.  i'll talk to y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

I just love this song.  Here it is:

Lately, I find I'm caught up in these thoughts

How will you come to me? 

How will we connect these hearts?

Are you somewhere near, hidden like a four-leaf clover?

Are you miles away?

Are we getting any closer?

I already see us moving mountains

I already see us walk in water

I already see the clouds we're flying over and under

I can really see us having babies

Walking through the park and being lazy

I already see myself falling in love eternally

And I think that's just the way it's gonna be

Being with you is like a scene from a dream in heaven

Will you taste like rain

Can I breathe you like air

Will I lose myself in your arms somewhere

I already see us moving mountains

I already see us walk in water

I already see the clouds we're flying over and under

I can really see us having babies

Walking through the park and being lazy

I already see myself falling in love eternally

And I think that's just the way it's gonna be

and I know, and I know, and I know

love can move a mountain

and I know, and I know

It's gonna be even better than I imagine

Putting all my trust in you

Putting all my trust in you

We will make our dreams come true

I already see us moving mountains

I already see us walk in water

I already see the clouds we're flying over and under

I can really see us having babies

Walking through the park and being lazy

I already see myself falling in love eternally

And I think that's just the way it's gonna be

You look at me with a smile

But I know what's deep within,

You have feelings deep inside

That never let love win

I experience these feelings, too

But I disguise it well

For when I always act unhappy

I feel like I'm in Hell

These are some unhappy days

They almost never go right

Now we need to stick together

To try to be happy and never fight

I know it might seem too hard

To try and act so happy

But I think we can do it

If we just believe in you and me

copyright 2004 meghan

My heart is cold

There's no love for you

It all ran out

When you got a new beau

We were the perfect couple

Now you took it all away

We were still going out

When you heart wandered astray

There's no love for you left

I guess I need to move on

But I don't think I can

Until my memories are gone

The only way to do that

Is to quickly end my life

all my memories will go away

With a quick swipe of a knife

Now my heart is rid of love

Along with life, too

All my memories have faded

All because of you

copyright 2004 meghan

I've been hearing some things

That I don't want to hear

That you're cheating on me

But you still call me dear

I don't know what to believe

About these funny stories

All I know is I love you

But I'm not on my knees

I know that I can't make you stop

Or have you love me back

You know that you broke my heart

And now you've gone to pack

You're leaving me now

I don't want you to go

But these funny stories convinced me

Of what I didn't want to know

copyright 2004 meghan

okay, so i have had an extremely long and busy weekend.  it was only the normal two days, but it has seemed so much longer.  for example, here is the list of things i did this weekend:  dance practice, basketball games, homework, dance team bake sale, working for mike hardwick, speech commercial due monday, babysit til midnight, sunday school christmas program practice, church with cabin fever, shopping for five and a half hours, and fca.  so yeah, i've been pretty busy.  that was what, eleven things that i did in two and a half days (including friday after school)?  so yeah, sorry, but this might be an extremely long blog.

first of all, i did the hardest thing i have ever had to do on friday in speech class.  we had an assignment to do two speeches on two personal experiences.  my first speech went really well, it was about dance and how i have been dancing for eleven out of fifteen years of my life (an extremely long time!).  i did my second one on friday.  you'll never guess what i did it on.  my suicidal thoughts and how tenth grade has been an extremely hard year for me.  it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, especially since there's some people in my speech class that i would have probably never told outside of class.  so, yeah, i told them that i have actually had a bottle of painkillers out on the cupboard because i had a headache or something, and i've thought about taking too many pills and ending everything.  i started crying, of course, but it basically all started when i said that i don't do it because of my friends and how i have grown so much closer to God through this all.  everybody and everything i know has kept me grounded, and i'm so thankful for that, and i am truly blessed.  thank you to everyone who has helped me through my struggle, and i hope you can keep helping me and don't stop.

okay, so onto my list of things.  friday wasn't as busy as yesterday and today were.  for example, all i did was have dance practice like usual from three to five, and then i went to leah's basketball game and did homework until ten o'clock.  i didn't feel half as rushed as usual, which is an extremely good thing.  so, yeah, all four of the important basketball teams for kasson lost on friday night to winona cotter.  it sucks, but hopefully the guys do better against lourdes on friday night.  it's home, so y'all should come to it and support our guys.

saturday was my busiest day ever.  i went to the dance team bake sale to work at eight in the morning and then i ended working at quarter to eleven so i could go work for mike hardwick.  mike is a photographer who was taking pictures of kids with santa in the old antique mall in mantorville.  it was extremely boring, and i probably won't ever do it again.  oh well, though, because i made tweny bucks for five dollars an hour for four hours which was twenty bucks.  it was also fun just talking to mike the whole time.  next i went to brittany acker's house to do our speech commercial.  it was fun, but it was extremely cold outside.  so yeah, then i baby-sat for maddie and lexi until midnight, so i am extremely tired today.

today i went shopping with my friends at the mall for five and a half hours.  it was so much fun and i got so much closer to all of my friends.  then we all went to fca together.  it was fun because joey from camp was our guest speaker and i learned a lot from him.  it was extremely touching.  then i came home, put stuff away, and now i'm on here, but i'll probably go to bed in about ten minutes because i am extremely pooped out.  i'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow, so peace out!

luv bunchez~ meghan

this is for Giantsfan080:

your lies cut through me

like a knife

the experience i've had

has changed my life

you asked for my number

i thought you liked me

it turns out i was wrong

i thought you were free

you have a girlfriend

we could've worked out

my happy ending shattered

now i'm filled with doubt

will you ever like me

you'll always be my friend

our relationship is hard

but to it there is no end

copyright 2004 meghan 

this poem is for everybody!  i love you guys!:

i thank you for all you've done for me

you're always by my side

my thanks could never be enough

for coming with me for the ride

for all my suicidal thoughts

you were always there

i probably wouldn't be here today

so thanks for being aware

you have always been there for me

through boy troubles and tears

i love that you've been there for me

to ease away my fears

why wouldn't you tell me

about liking that guy

i don't care that you like him

i just wanna know why

i'm mad with what i didn't know

just mad at what you said

you should know you can always trust me

instead of messing with my head

will you learn from this experience

or will you do this all again?

i hope you never do it to anyone else

or you might lose yourself a friend

okay, so last night was awesome!  i went over to amy's house for a movie night and hung out with my friends and had a great deep discussion with them about everything in general.  from everything that's been on my mind to everything that's been on everybody else's minds.  guys were there, but they left halfway through because they were getting bored.  so, the girls who were there were me, natalie, brianna, leah, and amy.  liz left earlier because she went home to see her older brother and his girlfriend who had come up from texas for a little while.  we talked about a lot of things.  i am definitely a lot closer to those girls than i ever was before.  so, anyways, we had tried to call nicki, but she wasn't home, so we left a message with her sister.  i guess her sister didn't even tell her that we called, so she got mad when she figured that we didn't invite her.  well, we tried, but we couldn't get a hold of her.  then she got mad at us because we didn't offer to come pick her up after we talked to her at about 8:30.  well, amy couldn't even bring leah home, so how was she supposed to pick nicki up when leah didn't have a car and liz had already gone home?  it made no sense to me.  well, we kinda all blew up at her, which i haven't done in a while.  it actually felt good to just be mad for a little while, then i realized i was being really mean.  i won't do it again, unless i have another real reason to.

okay, onto the subject at hand.  the KoMet Klassic is tonight and tomorrow night at the high school.  it's a basketball tournament that Kasson has every year.  me adn my friends are going tonight to both games at 6:30 and 8.  if you wanna come, you're invited.  just come to one of the gyms at the time and you'll find us somewhere.  we're most likely going to be at the guys' games, but who knows.  just let me know if you wanna come, i'd love to have everybody come if they could.  well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to a lot of y'all tonight! 

luv bunchez~ meghan

Well, I just love it when the weather's too bad to not go to school.  But the weather's not bad, it's just the roads.  Yay!  We have no school today.  I'm so happy, it just gives me one more day of winter/Christmas break.  Maybe I'll do something or go somewhere today.  Who knows?  Maybe it'll be something spontaneous or maybe it'll be something that me and my friends planned.  Or maybe it'll be absolutely nothing, which would suck.  Well, anyways.  Last night when I went to bed, Kasson-Mantorville schools were already two hours delayed with no AM kindergarten.  Well, my mom had to work this morning, so I told her to wake me up right before she left which would be 8.  She said she would, but I woke up by myself this morning at 8:52!  I was freaking out because I had to leave 25 minutes from the time I woke up!  I went in to yell at my mom for not waking me up because I heard her in her room.  Well, to my surprise, we were cancelled.  I was so happy, I couldn't go back to sleep, so I came downstairs and checked my email and wrote this and all that good stuff.  So, yeah, school's cancelled for the day!  Wahoo!  So, if anybody wants to do anything, just let me know because I don't want to be cooped up in my house for long!  Well, I gotta go.  I'll talk to y'all later. 

Luv bunchez~ Meghan

<table align="center" width="300" style="border: 1px solid black; background-color: white; color: black">
 <tr><td><p align="center">In the year 2005 I resolve to:<br>
  Take a chainsaw-juggling class.
  <p align="right"><a href="http://resolution.geek-foo.net" style="color: red;">Get your resolution here</a></p>
 </td></tr></table>

1. Copy and post in your Diary.

2. BOLD anything that is true.

3. Leave plain anything that is not true.

4. Add something.

001. I miss somebody right now.

002. I watch more tv than I used to.

003. i love olives

004. I love sleeping.

005. I own a home.

006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.

007. I love to play video games.

008. I've done something illegal.

009. I've watched porn movies.

010. I have been in a threesome.

011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.

012. I like my handwriting.

013. I have acne free skin.

014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.

015. I curse frequently.

016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.

017. I have a hobby.

018. I've been to another country.

019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

020. I'm really, really smart.

021. I've never broken anyone else's bones. 

022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.

023. I love rain.

024. I'm paranoid at times.

025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

026. I need money right now.

027. I love sushi.

028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.

029. I have fresh breath in the morning.

030. I have long hair.

031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.

032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.

033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.

034. I shave my legs.

035. I have a twin.

037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.

038. I like the way that I look.

039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.

040. I know how to do cornrows.

041. I am usually pessimistic.

042. I have mood swings.

043. I think prostitution should be legalized.

044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.

045. I have cheated on someone.

046. I have a hidden talent.

047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.

048. I've been sexually intimate with less than ten people.

049. I am currently single.

050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.

051. I enjoy talking on the phone.

052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.

053. I love to shop.

054. I would rather shop than eat.

055. I would classify myself as ghetto

056. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.

057. I'm obsessed with my Diary!

058. I don't hate anyone.

060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.

061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.

062. I have a cell phone.

063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.

065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.

067. I have never been in a real relationship before.

068. I've rejected someone before.

069. I currently have a crush on someone.

070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

071. I want to have children in the future.

072. I have changed a diaper before.

073. I've had the cops called on me before.

074. I bite my nails.

075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.

076. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.

077. I have a lot to learn. (Everybody should bold this…)

078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.

079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.

080. I am very shy around the opposite sex. 

081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.

082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.

083. I have been rejected by someone.

084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.

085. I own the "SOUTHPARK" movie.

086. I have avoided work to play on Xanga.

087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.

088. I enjoy country music.

089. I love my best friend.

090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.

091. I occasonally watch soap operas.

092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.

093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.

094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.

095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".

096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.

097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.

098. I have dated a close friend's ex.

099. I'm happy as of this moment.

100. I have gone scuba diving.

101. I've had a crush on somebody I have never met.

102. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.

103. I play a musical instrument.

104. I strongly dislike math.

105. I'm procrastinating on something right now.

106. I own and use a library card.

107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."

108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.

109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.

110. I'm obsessed with the tv show "The O.C."

111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.

112. I am an entirely different person around different people.

113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.

114. I think ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.

115. I am suffering of a broken heart.

116. I am a nerd.

117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.

118. I am left handed and proud of it.

119. I TRY not to change who I am for someone.

120. My heart resides below my feet.

121. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.

122. I enjoy smoothies.

123. I have had major surgery.

124. I have adopted a pet.

125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.

126. Some people call me by a nickname.

127. I once stole a music stand.

128. I like pumpkin pie.

129. I love NASCAR!

130. I own a over 200 CDs.

131. I work 7 days a week.

132. I've had mono.

132. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.

133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.

134. I'm still in my PJs.

135. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.

136. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong people, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.

137. I'll try anything three times. Almost anything.

138. Done drugs other than Alcohol or Cannabis.

139. I'm having trouble sleeping.

140. I am a cuddler.

141. I love John Waters films

142. I have made a pornographic videotape.

143. I'm a vegetarian

144. I am Pagan

145. I sing WAY more than I should.

146. I Really like the word : "Bazooka"

147. I Like Nuns 

148. Been made fun of so much you want to shoot yourself.

149. I am obsessed with Wicked.

 150. I am in love with sigma phi epsilon brothers!

151. I like someone who I've known for a long time.

152. I think Sirius Black should be a real person.

153. I watch Boiling Points and laugh at the people.

154. Sometimes I'm too passive.

155. My room can't stay clean for longer than a day.

156. I still have a dial-up connection.

157. I hate leaving the house without a watch on.

158. I have a sick obsession with bean burritos.

159. I own bunny slippers.

160. Band isn't just something to fill the time.

161. I would pee my pants if I did not have Chapstick on me 24/7/365

162. I have my own car. 

164. I love one of my parents more than the other.

165. I over analyze everything.

166. I ate cheerios for breakfast.

167. I’m in love with somebody who doesn't want a serious relationship yet.

168. Garden State is my favorite movie....ever

169. I would die if there weren't hott guys in the world.

hey guys.  just another day for me today.  except it wasn't ordinary.  this morning i had dance at six fifteen.  yeah, six fifteen!  it sucked!  i've never been up at five thirty in the morning on a school day.  that's an hour before i normally get up.  i hated it!  oh well, at least i had a lot of energy all day.  but there's been one thing on my mind since the middle of last week.  as most of you know, i'm going out with josh.  but i have a weird feeling.  not that me and josh are going to break up or anything.  i don't want that at all.  i just love having the feeling that i care about somebody who actually cares about me back.  just, i've been seeing this one guy around school at the guys' basketball games and practices a lot.  it's mr. fernholz's little brother who just graduated from blue earth last year.  his name is jake.  it's really weird because i am known for liking more than one guy at a time, but never when i'm actually going out with somebody.  yes, i know, it's not even a formal crush because we haven't ever talked to each other, but still.  it's just weird because he's really hott and everything, but i don't want to pursue anything.  i know nothing will happen, but i still like him.  i hate this feeling and i need help.  just look at what my banner thing says:  psychologist wanted.  i'm serious.  okay, maybe i'm not that serious, but yeah.  okay, well i'm going to go now and ponder some of these things that i've been thinking.  i'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow or online. 

luv bunchez~ meghan

Okay, I just want to let a few things out tonight when I write this. I don't want to offend anybody, and I really don't want anybody to get mad at me for writing something they think is about them.

Okay, as many of you know, or have read from my blog, I am liking a guy named Jake while I am still going out with Josh.  Well, I've tried to explain all of it to some of my friends, but they just don't seem to get it.  I mean, they've probably never felt this strongly about somebody while they're going out with somebody else.  Most of these people have only had one boyfriend or even haven't had any boyfriends.  The only reason I tell some of them is because I know I can trust them, but then it seems like they make me feel insignificant.  I'm really grateful for Brianna and Natalie because they're the ones who are really helping me through this.  Even if they don't know exactly how I feel, they're still helping me.  And Steve, thank you too.  I'm getting a guy's perspective on this, and I really needed it.  I love you for that!  Please continue helping me because I'll need all the help I can get.  I don't want any of you to feel bad, but I really need some space with this dilemma right now, unless you're going to give me advice.  And I don't want the don't worry it's normal advice because I'm sick of hearing that.  I don't know how many times I heard that today, but I'm sick of it.  I just want to get rid of all this confusion right now, but I don't know how to, except when I write.  I really need to write.  And I'll let you read them when I'm ready for you to.  I just don't know when that will be yet.  Tomorrow night is a guy's basketball game at home.  Jake is the assistant coach for the varsity boys, so he'll be there.  If I'm acting weird at that game, don't bother me unless you're gonna say something that you will think I want to hear.  I'm just not ready for criticism just yet.

Now, onto a different subject.  I think me and my friends are growing way apart.  Some of us just don't talk to each other anymore, and I miss that.  I'm glad I'm finally getting to talk more and more with Brianna and Natalie because they're the ones, along with Nicki, that I get along the most with.  I just wanna try and get along with everybody else too, but I really don't think that's possible.  And I don't want anybody to reply back to this and be like, is it me?  Because I probably won't tell you.  

So, yeah, I think that's all that I needed to get out of my head.  I'll let you know if I need anymore help with anything.  Well, I guess I'll see most of y'all tomorrow in school.  I'll talk to y'all later. 

Luv bunchez~ Meghan 

Hey everybody. Since it's been a couple of days since I updated, I thought I would tonight. So, this weekend has been pretty busy for me. On Friday night, I stayed at school until about 9:30, from 6:15 in the morning. That was one of the longest days I have had in a long time.  I had practice in the morning at 6:15 before school, and then I had school, practice from 3 to 5, set up for our dance invitational, pep band at the basketball game, and then I stayed for the game.  It was fun, but tiring.  Then yesterday was an even busier day for me.  It was the day of our home invitational, and mine and Josh's one month-iversary.  I woke up at 6:30 to be at the school at 7:15.  My team marked (got our spots on the floor for our dances) at 8:00, and then we didn't have to dance again until 12:30.  Josh, Nicki, Leah, Machia, Anna, and Anna's Josh came.  I was so happy to see them!  I'm so glad you guys came!  Did you have fun?  Well, my dance team's hard work over the past couple of weeks didn't pay off.  We didn't place in our jazz/funk dance (which i heard we should have won) and we got second in our high kick dance (which we have gotten first with at our past competitions this year).  I was disappointed, but at least we got one place.  Varsity got first in jazz/funk and second in high kick.  They did really well, and I'm happy for them.  Well, after the awards were handed out, I had to help pick up the team's room and then I tried to get my parents to bring me home, but they were too busy.  I had to be home by 6, so I could baby-sit.  Josh was there helping pick things up, so my parents let him borrow their car and he brought me home.  Now, I was really surprised by this because my parents have this stupid rule that I can't ride with anybody unless they've had their license for six months.  Now, Josh has only had his license for a couple of days, so I was really surprised that they let me ride home with him.  They say "it was an acception to the rule because they couldn't bring me home and somebody had to do it."  Whatever.  I was just happy to be riding with my boyfriend.  By the way, things are going better for me.  Yesterday when I was riding with Josh I finally realized that I have it perfectly and Jake was just a crush, and I'm still gonna like him and talk to him (hopefully), but I'm gonna keep liking Josh and going out with him until I actually have a real reason to break up with him.  Oh, and by the way, my cousins from Blue Earth know who Jake is, which is really awesome.  My cousin even agrees with me that Jake is extremely hott!  Well, I have to go now.  And if you're wondering, today hasn't been very eventful.  Just sitting around and being really tired while doing my homework.  And I've watched the Viking Packer game.  As of now, the Vikings are winning, 31-17.  There's four and a half minutes left.  Hopefully we win, so I can brag to my little brother and my dad.  Well, I gotta go for real now.  I'll talk to y'all later. 

Luv bunchez~ Meghan

Wow, another snow day!  I love this winter and school year!  It seems like during all our other school years, we never EVER get snow days or late starts, and now we're getting tons more.  I think we're just making up for the ones that we've never had before or just trying to keep up with the other schools.  Either way, I'm just happy I get to sleep in and hang out with my friends.  Speaking of hanging out with my friends, if any of you wanna do anything today, just give me a jingle.  I'd love to hang out with any of you today.  Speaking of that:  my mom said I might be able to go to the movie at four today, if I get some things done around the house first.  It's Shall We Dance?.  If any of you wanna go, let me know, and I'll talk to my mom about it.  Well, anyways, yesterday was a pretty good day, except for the fact I think Josh was having a bad day for some reason.  He just wouldn't talk to me and when I looked at him he'd have a bad look on his face like he was about to cry.  So I just left him alone.  I didn't want him to get mad at me for trying to be there for him.  I saw Jake again last night.  His basketball team had practice right before I had dance practice, and he was still in the gym when we started.  I thought that was pretty cool, and yes I do still like him, just not as much as I like Josh.  I've gotten over all those "confusing feelings," I think.  Actually, I hope, because I hate being confused.  It just screws me up and screws me over because it always comes back to haunt me.  Well, anyways, I better go.  I'll talk to most of y'all later today.  Remember, if you wanna hang out, just give me a call and I'll try and work it into my "busy" schedule.  Hahaha.  *sarcasm* 

Luv bunchez~ Meghan

Hey everyone.  Just another day in school, too bad it wasn't another snow day so I could sleep in.  I'm in speech right now, and it's only 9:00, and I'm already bored.  There's really nothing to do, because I can't concentrate on my final speech.  Luckily I have the computer and the internet at home.  I'm glad I don't have much going on tonight except for practice, either.  Well, anyways, I've already made myself feel really bad this morning, and it's incredibly early for me to be doing that.  Last night I had a youth group sort of thing, and I talked to Josh about Jake Fernholz.  Well, I honestly wasn't trying to be mean, but it comes off like that, doesn't it?  I was just seeing if I could, I guess, and it's incredibly horrible of me to be doing that with my boyfriend about the guy I like.  Yes, I know, I am evil.  Well, this morning I was talking about it and about Josh deserved it because he was being extremely mean to me about it, and I was going to stop once he came even a little close to me and my friends.  Well, I was talking about Jake, and when I walked away, Josh was in the corner with his friends, and I hadn't seen him!  I hope he didn't hear me because I would feel incredibly bad.  Oh my gosh.  If any of my friends have told him anything I am going to be so pissed!  I have a feeling somebody has, but I don't know who.  Because I don't like him very much anymore --> Jake, and I don't want this thing to blow up in my face anymore than it already has.  So, yeah.  Let me figure things out and then I'll let you know what happens.  And yeah, whatever I say in here, stays in here.  Nobody can say anything to anybody else that doesn't have a blog, or I'll be pissed!  That's like my worst fear, having somebody spread around what I say in here.  That would suck, because I trust the people that read my blog.  Well, that's about all I have to say.  Now I have to go back to working on my final speech.  Wish me luck!  I'll talk to most of y'all later!

Luv bunchez~ Meghan

Well, today was pretty boring.  The time between my first entry today and now just went on forever and ever.  I hated it.  I just wished I could've come home and slept forever.  Everything just seemed to go wrong.  First of all, I realized that me and Josh are just going to wrong way, and I don't know why.  It's not even because I have "feelings" for Jake, it's a lot more than that.  We just don't "click" as much as we used to, and I miss it.  We might have to end things, but I definitely don't want to lose his friendship.  That would be the worst thing ever.  I would lose one of my best friends, and I NEVER, AND I REPEAT, NEVER want that to happen.  Especially not when I see him everyday, even on the weekends at church.  But, onto a more happier subject.  (did that even make any sense to any of you?)  Well, anyways, I still like Jake.  (okay, so maybe this subject isn't any less confusing)  So, yeah, I haven't seen him for a couple of days, which might be a good thing.  I think I might be getting over him, but I doubt it.  The next time I see him, I'll be like, oh, I still really like him.  That always happens, and if you're boy (or girl!) crazy, you know what I mean.  You want to get over that one person, but every time you see him/her, your feelings just flare up for them all over again, much to your dismay.  I HATE IT!  But, anyways, onto school issues.  It's getting close to the end of the quarter, and it's not really working out with my whole always getting straight A's thing.  This quarter I'm falling really behind on my work, and I always do my homework and stuff.  It sucks because I have really hard classes, but I'm always blaming myself for not getting it.  So, yeah, I'm trying my hardest to get a 4.0 at the end of this quarter, but if I don't that's okay.  I'll be mad, but I will know that I have worked my hardest, and I couldn't do any better than my best and I'll just have to work harder next quarter.  Okay, now onto the subject of my friends.  I have some of the best friends in the world!  They're always there for me, and I know I can trust all of them.  Brianna would have to be my bestest friend!  We just connect and we're the most alike out of the rest of my friends!  Yay!  I love her!  Well, that's about it.  I'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow.

Luv bunchez~ Meghan

Okay, so right now, I'm in speech working on my final essay again.  And I have the worst headache ever!  I had practice at 6:15 this morning, so I'm extremely tired and crabby.  So, for future times, I'm sorry if I snap at you, but it's not intentionally.  But, anyways, this morning practice went all right, considering I was extremely tired, along with the rest of my team.  We didn't get much done and we need to work really hard in order to do good in our performance tonight and our competition in Concordia tomorrow.  If any of you wanna see us dance, come to the girls' varsity basketball game tonight because my team is performing!  I'd love to see ya there!  So, yeah, I saw Jake Fernholz again this morning.  He was running with the boys' varsity basketball team.  It was cool to see him after a couple of days of not seeing him.  I didn't get the usual *butterflies* though, which I think is good, or maybe it was just because I was extremely tired.  Josh is sick today.  Too bad because I need to talk to him.  I emailed him last night and said we need to talk because I'm confused about a lot of things.  I hope we work out, but if we don't, I'll feel better if we're just friends.  Well, that's about it for this morning.  I hope this entry finds you all happy and not tired, unlike me.  I'll talk to most of y'all later.

Luv bunchez~ Meghan

Okay, so, today has been such a long day. It's a Saturday, and I had to wake up at 6:15 for a dance competition in the Cities!  It sucked.  On top of all that, we didn't do very well.  We didn't place with either of our dances, that's how bad we did.  We got second in high kick (out of two teams) and second in jazz/funk (out of two teams).  I'm not used to losing with dance, so I didn't take our losses very well.   I wish we had last year's team back because this year isn't working out too well for me.  There's a voice inside me that keeps telling me I need to quit because I hate dancing right now.  I mean, I used to love to dance!  It's my favorite thing ever, but it's not fun anymore.  Everybody on the team (including my coach) has made my life miserable.    I hate it!  Another thing that's been on my mind is me and Josh.  I sent him an email two nights ago saying I don't think our relationship is working out very well.  It's the truth, and I just wanted to hear what his point of view on it was.  He thinks we make better good friends instead of boyfriend/girlfriend.  So, there you have it.  We're not officially broken up, but it could happen real soon.  I'm actually dreading going to church tomorrow morning because he's going to be there, I think.  So, yeah, I'm hoping nothing terrible goes wrong.  Well, that's about all that I have to say right now.  If I think of anything else to write in the next couple of minutes, I'll be sure to post it.  Talk to most of y'all later.  

Luv bunchez~ Meghan 

Hey guys.  Today has been a very busy and tiring and lazy day, all in one.  Yeah, it can be all in one, if you can't believe it.  I sure can believe it, because I went through it today.  Okay, enough of my rambling.  Anyways, church today was quite uncomfortable because Josh was there.  We had a lot of awkward silences and I brought up the fact to his brother that he forgot my name in class the other day; Friday, to be exact!  You should have seen Josh's face!  Now he knows that I heard him.  Sunday School sucked.  We didn't have a teacher, so me and Christy were extremely bored while Josh, Jake, and Erica Jurrens talked about stupid stuff.  I would have much rather of talked about church-related things.  We were really bored, so me and Christy just left and I could tell that the other three were mad at us, which made no difference to me.  Me and Christy had a long discussion, which helped me a great amount.  We talked about many things, including our boy troubles, and she agrees with me on a lot of things, which I never thought was possible.  After church, I had to finish my history interviews, which I did.  Then I went to my great-grandma's apartment to eat chicken and watch the Vikings game.  I can't believe we actually lost!  Randy Moss is such a pooper!  He sucks!  Oh well, at least we made it farther than the Packers did this year.  Now I'm going to be a New England Patriots fan, so hopefully they make it to the Super Bowl again and they win again!  Oh, onto another subject really quick.  My parents are having a Super Bowl party at the AmericInn this year!  Yay!  I get to go swimming!  I haven't been swimming forever.  I don't know how many people or who is going to be invited, so I don't know if I'll have any fun or not.  Hopefully I do, and some of my friends and their families are invited.  Onto what I was saying before.  After my great-grandma's apartment, we went to my grandma's house for lutefisk and meatballs.  I actually tried lutefisk, but it was the most disgusting thing that I have ever tasted......EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!  It was so gross and slimy!  My cousin, Kelsey, actually liked it.  Oh well, I guess.  I got so full, and then I had to do some of my homework.  I couldn't go to FCA tonight because I have/had so much homework, including math final studying, history interviews, elligibility, and my speech final.  I'm so busy with piled up homework.  I hate it!  Well, I better go so I can actually finish it all before tomorrow.  I'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow in school.

Luv bunchez~ Meghan

Dear Diary

today i saw a boy and i wondered if he noticed me.  he took my breath away.

dear diary

i can't get him off my mind and it scares me 'cause i've never felt this way.  no one in this world knows me better than you do, so diary i'll confide in you.

dear diary

today i saaw that boy.  as he walked by i thought he smiled at me.  and i wondered: does he know what's in my heart?  i tried to smile, but i could hardly breathe.  should i tell him how i feel or would that scare him away?  diary, tell me what to do, please tell me what to say.

dear diary

one touch of his hand.   now i can't wait to see that boy again.  he smiled and i thought my heart could fly.  diary, do you think that we'll be more than friends?  i've got a feeling we'll be so much more than friends. 

it's two in the morning

i'll tell you why i'm awake

there it goes that creepy feeling again

'round in my head

ooh, again here in my head

here in the darkness

oh there's so many shades

shadows burn like faded flames

and die into the night, ooh and fly

up so high, ooh

are you a ghost?

or are you alive?

would you be here for me

be here for me now

imagination

or are you for real?

just give me a sign and i'll know

cool wind is blowing

fingers through hair

standing in an empty room, alone

it feels like you're there

ooh, alone

i know that you're there

i'll tell you what

i know

i'll tell you how

i feel

are you a ghost?

or are you alive?

would you be here for me

be here for me now

imagination

or are you for real?

just give me a sign and i'll know

hey guys.  okay, today i finally called josh.  before now, we haven't been home at the same times because when i'm at practice, he's home, and when he's at practice, i'm home.  it just wasn't the right time.  well, tonight i finally did it.  i called him, but he was not himself, or extremely pissed at me.  he thinks i hate him, first of all.  well, anyways, when i said hi josh, it's me, he thought i was somebody else.  well, i wasn't, and when i told him it was "meghan," he's like oh, you.  so, that made me mad.  i told him we needed to talk, but he told me he had to leave.  he was trying to avoid the topic of conversation.  so, tomorrow, i guess we're supposed to "talk" in school, but i doubt that it will happen.  even if it does, i don't know what i'll do.  i hope we can talk our difference through, but i doubt that it will work.  after i got done talking with josh on the phone, i called brianna.  i just needed someone to talk to because josh was being extremely weird on the phone.  we had a long discussion about josh and lots of other different things.  it helped me a lot and i'm greatful for it.  well, i better go.  i'll talk to most of y'all in the morning at school. 

luv bunchez~ meghan

yeah, as you could see from my subject, i'm grounded again.  but this time, it's not just any grounding, it's an unfair grounding.  i really didn't deserve it.  yeah, last time i did, but this time, my mom was just being stupid.  so, on friday, i was supposed to go to the movie with some of my friends.  i did end up going but that was after me and my mom got into my "grounding fight."  okay, so what happened is this:  i talked to anna on the phone and we were supposed to meet each other at the movie theater at quarter to nine.  the movie was at nine fifteen, but we still wanted to be there early, just in case the movie theater would've gotten full.  well, anyways, i decided to let my dad watch the rest of his show, and so, i told him we had to go at five to nine.  so, he delayed it another ten minutes and by that time it was five AFTER nine.  i was pissed.  but, then, i got even MORE pissed.  at ten after nine, my dad started SHOVELING!  so i wouldn't get my feet wet.  whatever!  so i was getting mad, and my mom saw me "tapping my toe at my father."  which i wasn't supposed to do.  so i told her that i was supposed to meet my friends a half hour before the time it was then.  then she's like, well, i don't care, you wouldn't be going if it weren't for your father and you could've been out there shoveling if you wanted to go out earlier.  HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WE NEEDED TO SHOVEL?  THE SNOW WASN'T EVEN THAT DEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!  goll, was i pissed.  then i can't remember what i said, but i guess i "talked back" to my mom.  then she grounded me when i stormed out the door.  so, now, i'm grounded until i "can learn to appreciate what my parents do for me."  boy, will it be a long time before i get to do anything because my parents really don't do much for me.  well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to y'all later.

luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so, first of all, this entry is not meant to hurt anyone. if it does, i'm really sorry, and i don't want anyone to feel bad about it either.  so, lately, i've been feeling left out of my group of friends.  and it's not just because i'm in a lot of things, so i never have time to hang out with them during lunch or before school.  it's even between classes.  i just feel like everybody has their little "inside jokes" and i can't be in on them or they just don't want me to overhear them talking about it.  brianna and natalie are basically the only ones who i feel who don't do that to me.  oh, and i can't forget about nicki and amy.  they're always there for me no matter what.  and i know that most of you might not realize this, but it does hurt.  our group of friends claims to be the closest group of friends in our grade, but we're really not.  we have cliques inside of our clique.  it's not fair.  i've talked this over with some other people, and we need to be closer, or we're just gonna grow apart.  i'm not saying you can't be close to a couple people and you HAVE to be close to every single person.  but don't start talking about getting together with a couple of people and NOT inviting the other people.  you can't just expect somebody to get over it.  i don't want to sound like a witch *with a "b"*, but i really want this to change.  for example, if you're doing something with another person, don't talk about it in front of other people who aren't invited if you're not going to invite them.  believe me, it sucks.  and if i'm ever caught doing that (which i try not to, unless that's the only way i can communicate with the certain person or people), please let me know, because i want to change that.  i hate that we're not close, and i hope this brings light into some people's hearts.  well, i gotta go.  i just wanted to get that off of my chest.  thanks for listening, errr, i mean, reading.  i'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow.

luv bunchez~ meghan

so, today i took a sick day.  yesterday all day in school and at practice and performance, i felt like i was gonna puke and i kept getting some dizzy spells.  last night, i didn't feel good when i went to bed, either.  i didn't get a very good night's sleep, either.  so, when i woke up this morning, i didn't feel good and i decided to take a sick day.  i really needed it.  this morning i slept until 10:30 and i've been watching soap operas all day.  they're really funny to watch because the people are superly over-dramatic.  oh well, i still love them.  well, i better go.  if anybody has any updates about what happened in school today, just let me know.  i'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow, hopefully.  *crosses fingers* 

luv bunchez~ meghan

Okay, so yesterday, my mom's uncle died in the morning before I went to school.  He was my great uncle and I was really close to him, so I'm pretty sad right now, but not as sad as my mom is.  She was really close to him and now she doesn't have him anymore, which means she's going to miss him a lot.  I'm glad I'm close to my mom.  Yesterday we had so many close mother-daughter moments.  If any of my friends need a mom that they can talk to, you should always know that you can count on my mom for being there for you.  She cares about you all more than you know.  Well, that's basically all I wanted to say.  Oh, and one more thing.  I really like Jake Fernholz, AKA JF, a lot.  But I still like Josh and I don't know what to do.  Well, I gotta go.  I'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow morning.

Luv bunchez~ Meghan

Okay, now, I don't want to sound like a witch with a b, but i just want to get this off of my chest.  I thank you Natalie, for bringing this stuff to my attention because I didn't think it was such a big idea.  This is not a stab at anybody, but I need to say it, so please don't get mad at me.  Okay, first of all, this whole Jake/Josh thing, if Josh had found out about my "crush" on Jake, wouldn't he have confronted me about it or at least one of you would so I wouldn't do anything stupid?  I would really hope you would.  Second of all, nobody knows what I was feeling when I broke up with Josh.  You might think you do, but in reality, you don't.  Nobody can know how another person feels in their heart and soul.  Nobody.  Now, what I was feeling was this:  I put my crush on Jake on hold for a while.  And I really tried to work on my relationship with Josh because I knew he was a good guy and it should have worked out, but it didn't.  It wasn't my fault.  Of course I could've done a little more to keep the relationship going, but it wasn't working.  If it was, I wouldn't have broken up with Josh in the first place.  On another note, I still liked him, even though I broke up with him.  It wasn't working, but that doesn't mean I didn't like him.  And I still like him, so I DO have a right to be jealous when he's always rubbing in my face that he's hanging out with Bridget.  I'm sorry if I've offended any of you with this, but it's the truth.  I dont' like people "trying to look out for me" when they don't even know what I'm feeling.  Well, I gotta go.  I'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow. 

Luv bunchez~ Meghan

I made a really big mistake

And I know that you don't like me

I made a rash decision

And now I've had to pay the fee

I'm sure you like some other girl

That I know nothing about

But it breaks my heart to know

That you never had to doubt

You knew we were the perfect couple

And I guess that I did, too

But I was blinded by some other things

That just left when I left you

I just hope that you will give a chance

To something we once had

And if you don't I will be hurt

But I'll try not to stay sad

Hey guys. I have a lot to update on, so bear with me, please.

Okay, so yesterday was Valentine's day, right? Well, I now officially hate that holiday, and how is it even a holiday?  I really don't understand it at all.  I miss having a boyfriend.  Seeing Anna and Josh and Amy and Anthony just makes me so jealous.  I had that, but now it's my fault that I don't.  And Valentine's Day just made it worse.  I mean, what's worse than seeing everybody all cuddly and getting each other really cute and meaningful presents.  I just don't like getting the usual Valentines from my friends anymore, no offense guys.  It's just like I see everyone else in relationships, and I think, hey, I had that, but now it's gone.  Stupid!  Stupid!  Stupid!  Why do I always have to act on impulse?  Well, anyways, I'm just happy for all my friends who had a wonderful Valentine's Day, because I sure didn't. 

Okay, so me and Josh have been emailing each other back and forth lately, and it's not really being productive.  We both know that I still like him now, though, which is a start, but we know that it's never gonna work out again unless a lot of things change, which they probably won't.  So, yeah, I'm kinda bummed, but I know it's for the better now.

I realized that I really don't like anybody a lot, which is different for me.  I really can't quite understand it.  I need to start meeting new guys so I can change that little fact, don't I? 

You know how my great uncle died two weeks ago?  Well, today I found out that my great-grandma is in the hospital now.  I really don't understand why it happened again, but I just know that it's all in God's plan.  I just hope she doesn't die yet.  I still have a lot of things to do with her.  I'd be totally crushed if something happened to her.  I love her so much. 

Well, that's about it for now.  I'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow.

Luv bunchez~ Meghan

okay, so today was fun, this morning anyways.  we had a choir clinic that we went to and the other schools there were kasson's concert choir, byron, winona cotter, and lourdes.  there were so many hott guys there!  i loved it!  and yes, nicki, that guy is cute.  you know, th and ben.  hehehehe  well, after lunch i went to health, which was pretty good, but then i went to my choir lesson.  that went really well, too, and i hope my solo goes good for the solo and ensemble contest in april *i think.*  in choir, though, things totally changed.  i kept glancing over at anna and josh and it looked like they were engaged in a lot of close flirting.  yes, i may be paranoid, but it's been happening a lot lately.  some of my friends agree, and it gets pretty annoying.  especially when they do it all the time and i'm completely ignored by both of them.  but hey, i have better friends at those times and i know that i can always talk to anna apart from those times.  well, i just thought i'd vent right now.  i better go, though.  i'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow in school.

luv bunchez~ meghan

Copy to your blog and highlight bold the ones you've seen!

01. Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. Memento
04. Dogma

05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings
09. The Lord of the Rings : The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs

12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. Goonies
26. BASEketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie

28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Safety of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo

34. Monsters Inc. 
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. Fierce Creatures

48. Dude, Where's My Car? 
49. Ladyhawke
50. Ghostbusters
51. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
52. Back to the Future 
53. An Affair To Remember
54. Somewhere In Time
55. North By Northwest
56. Moulin Rouge
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Zoolander
60. A Walk to Remember
61. Chicago
62. Vanilla Sky
63. The Sweetest Thing
64. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead
65. The Nightmare Before Christmas

133. I Heart Huckabees

134. Garden State 

135. What the Bleep Do We Know

136. Gone In 60 Seconds
137. 8 Mile
138. Blow

139.Wicker Park

140.Saving Private Ryan

141.Anna and the King
142.The Polar Express
143.Black Hawk Down

144.Pearl Harbor

145.The Patriot

146.Hidalgo

147.Runaway Bride

148.We Were Soldiers

149.How the Grinch Stole Christmas

150.Club Dread

151.Super Troopers

152.S.W.A.T.

153.Titanic
154. Romeo and Juliet

155.10 Things I Hate About You

156. Save The Last Dance

157.Saw

158. The Fast and the Furious

159. Too Fast and Too Furious

160.The Whole Nine Yards

161. Bruce Almighty

162. Liar Liar

163. Big Fat Liar

164.Dumb and Dumber

165.40 Days and 40 Nights

166.The Grudge 

167. The Blair Witch Project

168.House on Haunted Hill

169.When Harry Met Sally

170.An Officer and a Gentleman172.Dirty Work

171.Bad Santa

173.Raiders of the Lost Ark

174.Jackie Brown

175.High Fidelity

176.A Time to Kill

177.Armageddon

178.Twister

179.How to Lose A Guy in Ten Days

180.Office Space

181.  Thirteen 

I look at you

you look at me

our eyes meet for a second

and my heart just flies free

our hearts make a connection

our two souls become one

we're together every waking moment

all that we do is fun

i look back at all the fun we had

and why we split apart

i'd do it all over again

but take better care of my heart

now you've moved on

and i have, too

but i still get that funny feeling inside

when i go back to our past so true

it hurts inside

to see us fight

but it hurts even more

because it doesn't seem right

it all happened so suddenly

i didn't know what to expect

we liked each other one day

but we hated each other the next

i don't know how to explain it

i guess it all just happened

i just hope it'll all get fixed

so i can again be your friend

well, since i haven't updated in a long while, i thought i'd do that right now.  okay, this past week has kind of been eventful, but not really, if you know what i mean.  today was the most eventful day of them all so far.  anna and josh and aj have had this marker war thing where they write all over each other, which doesn't make any sense to me.  well, after a while it got pretty annoying.  so, i started talking to amy and nicki to see if it was getting annoying to them or if it was just me, because i would just let it slip.  well, it was annoying to them, too, or so i think, and i was just gonna try and subtlety stop it, but it didn't really work.  honestly, i wasn't jealous of anna or anything, i just thought it got annoying with the guys always butting into the middle of our group or conversations and getting anna.  so, yesterday, i tried to talk to anna about it, but she got upset, which i probably would, too.  but then, somehow, leah got involved and kinda got mad at me this morning, which really bothered me because i didn't know what i had done wrong exactly.  but now it's all figured out.  i talked to anna at lunch and then i talked to leah after school on the bus and i understand what happened exactly.  but anyways, it's all over now, and i understand everything that went wrong with this whole situation.  i'm glad i got to talk to anna and leah, though, today because it would have never been solved.  so that's about it for the exciting happenings this week.

now for an update of what i'm doing tonight.  well, i finally get to go to brick and amp tonight with all of my friends.  i'm extremely excited!  i've been waiting for a while to experience the awesome Christian experiences that my friends have experienced there before.  well, anyways, solace is playing there tonight.  phil, nicki's youth group leader, is in the band, which will be pretty cool, since i'm kind of connected to him in a little kind of way.  so, i'm excited, plus i get to go over to nicki's house a little early because me and brianna and her are going to have a discussion.  that'll be fun.  and then a whole bunch of us are meeting at nicki's house, then driving to brick and amp tonight.  so, yeah, it'll be a bunch of fun.  i'll let you know how it went tomorrow when i catch up on my sleep.  for those of you who want to know what brick and amp is, it's a christian club that has a lot of bands that play every friday night.  tonight it's from nine to twelve, if you want to go. 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all tonight at brick and amp.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so last night was awesome!  i first went over to nicki's house at about 6:45, and brianna and amy were already there.  we all got ready to go to brick and amp (all, but amy, because her parents wouldn't let her go), and then josh, becky, and tess came over and we hung out until about 8:30.  we then got into rochester and picked up dan hodge (what a cutie!) and then went to brick and amp.  that is an awesome place.  it may not look the best, but the feeling is so awesome.  just everybody there worshipping God and just hanging out together for the same cause is great.  solace was a great band!  i loved the acoustic (sp?) guitars, and nick and phil both have great voices!  then the last song was the best.  it was sanctuary.  that is one of my all-time favorite worship songs. 

       Lord prepare me

       to be a sanctuary

       pure and holy

       tried and true

       with Thanksgiving

       i'll be a living

       sanctuary

       for you

it was so powerful!  i loved it!  i wish everyone could experience something like that in their lifetime.  their lives would be changed in an instant.  i know mine was. 

although last night was extremely fun, i didn't have fun in one aspect of it.  i felt horrible when i got home.  i know my friends love me, but sometimes i feel like they don't understand me at all.  i was only supposed to ride with josh and one other person in the vehicle, but then becky had to leave early, so i had to call my parents to see if nicki could ride home with us, too.  they said yes, but i felt horrible for it.  it's just something that i felt.  then on the way home, i was all paranoid that i was going to get into trouble because they wanted to go to mcdonald's and i didn't, and a lot of other stuff.  they just don't understand that i hate getting into trouble and i don't want to get my privileges taken away from me again.  i wish they'd just understand that.  getting my license is important to me, and i don't want to jeopardize getting it in any way.  and if i disobey my parents again, i'm gonna get into so much trouble and not be able to do as much stuff as i do now.

and as for josh, i cried myself to sleep last night because of him.  i consider him one of my best friends, but now he's really changing.  ever since he got his license and i've broken up with him, i feel like he's getting worse.  at first, he looked down on me for disobeying my parents during the past summer and getting grounded for it, but now he's doing it, too.  last night i heard him say "God and Jesus Christ" (not in good ways) and i just hurt inside for that.  he's definitely changing and i don't like it.  i don't think he realizes that he's hurting one of his friends by doing it, and maybe possibly hurting himself in the process.  it's not that he's doing anything illegal, he's just doing stuff that he's never done before.  i hope he realizes what he's doing and that he's going to get into big trouble sometime, and i'm not going to be there for him anymore.  and i'm praying for him more than i've ever prayed for him before because i want him to realize what he's doing. 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

wow.  that's all i can say.  wow.  last night was fun, considering that i didn't think i would have any fun at all.  we had a youth lock-in at our church last night, and i really didn't plan on having any fun because of who all was going to be there.  but it actually turned out to be totally awesome!  i no longer hate bridget or erica, and i actually am quite admiring of them.  they're two extremely cool teenage girls that are just the type of girl that annoy me every once in a while.  i honestly don't know why i didn't like them in the first place.  well, anyways.  last night.  we played the human handcuff game, played pictionary, ate tons of great food, and played steal the glowsticks outside.  it was awesome.  and i got so much closer to God.  i love the experiences like that.  they just totally move me.  i love them!  and i kinda got closer to josh as a friend.   he understands what i'm about now, and i'm glad about that.  my prayers on friday night were totally answered, maybe not completely, but they were answered, and i praise my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for that.  i'm thankful for everybody that was there last night, and i'm kinda glad i went, because i learned a lot of important lessons.  and we even had an awesome relay!  two teams were sitting on both sides of a table and we had to get a whistle out of a pile of whipped cream, suck all the whipped cream from the whistle, and make a noise in order for the next person to go.  and did i mention that we couldn't use our hands at all?  it was so much fun!  i can't wait until we can do it again.  overall, i got about thirty minutes of sleeping in, and the best part of it is, i hung out with my new friends, so i don't care how much sleep i got.  i'm thankful for everything that happened last night, including realizing that aj is an awesome person and i actually might be crushing on him right now. 

now, for something completely different.  for those of you that go to my school, i just want to let you know about a fundraiser that josh is doing for church.  i'm his "agent," so let me know what you think.  he's gonna shave his head, and he's raising money to see if he should grow it back or leave it buzzed.  and then he's selling pieces of his hair for a dollar, so it's definitely worth it.  believe me, i've already bought a couple locks.  oh, and did i mention the poems i wrote for the locks you get?  well, if you're a girl, i wrote one about how his hair is a keepsake, and for the baldies, i wrote that they could use josh's hair to cover up their bald spots and keep away the shine.  so, i'm bringing stuff to school tomorrow, just let me know about anything you wanna do. 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to ya later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, this morning machia brought up a very good question.  "DO I HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH ANY OF OUR FRIENDS?"  well, it may seem that way sometimes, but that's because i feel awkward around them.  but most of the time, i don't.  so, for now, the answer is no.  of course on friday i did, but that was because i thought leah and machia were mad at me.  and it may seem like i do now because i have a lot of things to figure out and i may be distant from some of my friends, but i'm honestly not trying to do it on purpose.  i wish it was easy to say that i don't have a problem with my friends ever, but i do, and i can do nothing about it.  and, i feel distant from some of my friends, but i really don't know why.  well, i gotta go.  i'm still at school, but i'm leaving in about fifteen minutes, so i have to do some stuff.  i'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow in school.  luv bunchez~ meghan

How do these things happen?

To my friends I hold so dear

They all think of me as shallow

But they're the ones I fear

First it was just one friend

But then a couple more

And now it's almost everyone

That has fallen to the floor

I can't stand these changing things

They just have to end

I hope I can live through them

Or I won't even have one friend

I've known you for a while now

And I like you still

But we never see each other

Although we soon will

You're the nicest guy I ever met

And that's why I'm still into you

There's so many things about this

that help me know it's true

We should really try this out

Although we're far apart

A long-distance thing could really work

Because it involves my heart

THREE THINGS YOU ARE SCARED OF:
01 | Hurting people's feelings

02 | Rejection
03 | Losing friends

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | Erin

02 | Liz
03 | nope, scratch those, ALL of my friends make me laugh

THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | The Bible
02 | my life
03 | DANCING!

THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | immature guys
02 | guys all over the "popular" girls
03 | my brother, only sometimes, though

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | math

02 | guys
03 | cooking

THREE THINGS ON MY (computer) DESK:
01 | folders
02 | printer
03 | speakers

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | typing
02 | singing
03   listening to my music

 THING I'LL DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | get married  

02 | have kids
03 | go to college

THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | dance
02 | write poetry
03 | be a good listener

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | hyper

02 | honest

03 |  trusting

THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | run a lot

02 | stay up all night

03 | draw

THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | Words Of Grace
02 | your friends

03 | Thousand Foot Krutch, they have good messages

THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | druggies
02 | guys advice for you and other guys

03 | two people in a fight

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | Yesssssssss

02 | Luv bunchez
03 | Heck yes

THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | chocolate marshmallow swirl ice cream 
02 | pepperoni deep dish pizza

03 | jello!

THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | how to play the guitar

02 | french
03 | how guys' brains work

THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | water
02 | milk

03 | mountain dew

THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | sesame street

 02| doug
03 | recess

okay, so, nicki and brianna introduced me to the killers a couple of weeks ago, and now i love them!  i just got their cd last night while i was shopping, and i love them, they're awesome!  for those of you who haven't heard of the killers, you should really find a way to listen to them because i assure you, they're an extremely good band.  too bad my parents probably won't let me go to their concert on may sixth at the quest club up in minneapolis.  that pisses me off, but oh well, i'll try and convince them to let me go.  well, sorry for the lame entry, but the killers were all i could think of writing about.  i'm gonna go now.

I just got the Falling Up cd while i was shopping, so i thought i'd type up one of the songs that really hit me hard:

ARAFAX DEEP

when this water flows down from the side of only you

can you take everything that i am holding on to tightly

and all this love it will crash just like you say

cause your love it will wash hearts away

this time the world hurts, we're looking for words to say

show me your meaning of love

show me the secrets to life

and i'll crash in the rain, your love is all i need

can i change all i am, can i build a legacy

when i see everything that was,

was never what i needed?

when, when you take,

will you take my heart away?

cause i need what you just have to say

this time the world hurts we're looking for words to say

when the window's closed, but the curtains blow

and the painting's done, you still see through

so will search my heart, i can rest my eyes

all this broken sight, just can see you

when the window's closed but the curtains blow

and the paintings done, you still see through

when they stand surround, they all fight the rain

but i will see it's just a frame

ROMANS 5:8  "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

PLACES By: Falling Up

this song may come off as a very dark and cold song, but the meaning behind it is that when we sin we hurt God deeply.  we have been born into sin and it is our human desire to sin ~ and when we do it, it hurts God.  and sometimes it is good to be honest about that, but the thing is, it doesn't have to be that way.  Jesus, God's only Son, died so that we do not have to hurt God by our sin, but we can be forgiven by the blood shed from the death of Jesus.  and we can live eternally if we believe this.

playing my heart so many times

there's always a weak hand holding mine

saying the way that i have said 'this is the way'

every scene is still the same

just with a different faceless name

falling and breaking, cleaning i am holding on so

this is where my heart lopngs to be

hurting you, needing you

this is where i always want to be

suffering

every night you come to see

beautiful places playing me

and the fallen lives and crimson walls

reflect my lines

breaking through thoughts and mindless games

your love is a whisper coming clean

and behind the curtains i can see you're not

impressed with me

can you take everything that i hold

will you was away just what the past is?

THE LOVE OF CHRIST ~By: Point of Grace

Based on Ephesians 3:14-21:  For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its name.  I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love.  I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.  Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine, to him be glory in the church, and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.  Amen.

How long

How wide

Is the love of Christ

How deep

How high

Is the love of Christ

It would take ten thousand lifetimes

To comprehend, a love with no beginning

A love that knows no end

More than any heart could measure or ever hold

His love could fill the oceans

'Til they overflowed

Higher than the mountains

Deeper than the ocean

Farther than the reach of the sky

Wider than the heavens

Longer than forever

Greater is the love of Christ

WONDERING ~ By: Good Charlotte

if you want me to wait, i would wait for you

if you tell me to stay, i would stay right thru

if you don't wanna say anything at all

i'm happy wondering

since i was a young man i never was a fun man

i never had a plan and no security

then ever since i met you i never could forget you

i only wanna get you right here next to me

'cause everybody needs someone that they can trust and...

you're somebody that i found just in time

now my life is changing, it's always rearranging

it's always getting stranger than i thought it ever could

ever since i found you, i wanna be around you

i wanna get down to the point that i need you

'cause everybody needs someone that they can trust and...

you're somebody that i found just in time

if you want me to wait, i would wait for you

if you tell me to stay, i would stay right thru

if you don't wanna say anything at all

i'm happy wondering

don't tell me the bad news

don't tell me anything at all

just tell me that you need me

and stay right here with me

if you want me to wait, i would wait for you

if you tell me to stay, i would stay right thru

if you don't wanna say anything at all

i'm happy wondering

i just have one question for anybody who can answer my question about my emotions.  why is it that when my cousin (far down the family line) died this morning (she lives in biloxi, mississippi) i just feel like crying?  i've never even met her before.  maybe it's because i saw my great-grandma break down and cry like i've never seen her cry before.  it was really sad.  i don't know, i don't like seeing my great-grandma sad.  she's always so happy and cheerful, it just didn't seem right.  and that makes me wonder, how am i going to react when she's not there for me anymore?  she's only 87, but the pope died and he was 84 and terry schiavo died and she was only in her forties.  i'm scared for when she passes on.  i know that she will be in a much better place than here on Earth, but i'll miss her greatly.  she'll be with our Lord and Savior, so i know she'll be taken care of, but i'm scared.  i don't know what i would do without her.

IF THIS WORLD ~ Jaci Velasquez

do you feel you've been disowned

left outside in the cold

and without a home?

do you think that no one cares

that you're lost and alone

and without a prayer

don't give in to the lie

that there's no one you can turn to

don't lose heart, there is hope

there is someone who will never desert you

if this world is a lonely place for you

fall into the arms of love

if this world is a lonely place for you

there's a God who you can trust

who'll comfort you and lift you up

are you looking for a friend

who will stand by your side

to the very end?

someone who is always true

to his word, be assured

he won't turn from you

put your faith in the One

who will never let you down

he has proven His love

open up to all He has for you now

He hears your cry, He sees your tears

He knows your pain and all your fears

He waits for you with open arms

He longs to live inside your heart

you'll never be alone again

I need some help

To sort things out

I'm so confused

I want to shout

I hurt inside

From everything

The only thing that helps

Is constantly praying

I need Your help

To make me see

The full person

I'm supposed to be

I pray my hardest

To You, my Lord

Please help things seem

Not so hard

I WANT IT THAT WAY ~By:  The Backstreet Boys

I want it that way

I want it that way

You are my fire

The one desire

Believe when I say

I want it that way

But we are two worlds apart

Can't reach to your heart

When you say

That I want it that way

Tell me why

Ain't nothin' but a heartache

Tell me why

Ain't nothin' but a mistake

Tell me why

I never wanna hear you say

I want it that way

Am I your fire

Your one desire

Yes I know it's too late

But I want it that way

Now I can see that we've fallen apart

From the way that it used to be, yeah

No matter the distance

I want you to know that

Deep down inside of me

You are my fire

The one desire

You are, you are, you are, you are

Don't wanna hear you say...

I want it that way

they see me in a magazine

i'm the one they want to be

still don't feel i'm good enough

still don't feel i'm thin enough

i stand up and i push back down

and every opinion now

it makes me feel inhuman

giving in and giving up

to be worthy

to feel beautiful in this skin

be beautiful in this skin (love the skin i'm in)

love me for me

have confidence in this skin

be confident in this skin (in this skin i'm in)

so tell me what is wrong with me

i'm the girl with everything

so why am i not strong enough

i wanna be strong enough

to tell you how i really feel

i know my talent is real

so don't tell me, don't tell me

i have to be 102

i don't have nothing to prove

so don't tell me, don't tell me

i am worthy

to feel beautiful in this skin

be beautiful in this skin (love the skin i'm in)

love me for me

have confidence in this skin

be confident in this skin (in this skin i'm in)

be real, be real

see the beauty inside this skin

i don't have to hide this skin (love the skin i'm in)

i feel, i feel

an awakening in this skin

stop forsaking me in this skin

i am, i am

beautiful in this skin

'beautiful' lies within

beautiful in this skin

i am

to be worthy

to be beautiful

love me for me

'cuz i am beautiful

to feel beautiful in this skin

be beautiful in this skin (love the skin i'm in)

love me for me

have confidence in this skin

be confident in this skin (in this skin i'm in)

be real, be real

see the beauty inside this skin

'cuz i don't wanna have to hide it

i feel, i feel

i'm beautiful in this skin

beautiful in this skin

i'm beautiful

and you're beautiful

beautiful in this skin

mom and dad

i'm fine.  how are you?  i have joined a small circus (that much is true).  i'm a little malnourished, but try to relax.  could you find a better photo for the milk carton backs?

send money

runaway

where's your head?

dreamers' dreams

are grounded

in reality

that comes from above

God is calling

there's no bigger love

it's his reality that welcomes us back

trust and obey

there is no other way

mom and dad

i'm fair.  how's life?  lent the money you sent me to the clown with the knife.  my career as an acrobat hasn't begun, but i'm busy giving blood and shoveling elephant dung.

send money

runaway

why so tense?

dreamers' dreams

will make sense

in reality

that comes from above

God is calling

there's no bigger love

it's his reality that welcomes us back

trust and obey

there is no other way

runaway

blowing smoke

your folks are worried

(and going broke)

after the fall

is an all-new episode

reality

is the high road

hey y'all.  i'm actually pretty proud of myself.  i've kept writing in this thing for a while now, without having a day where i don't write an entry.  i guess that's a pretty big accomplishment for me.  well, anyways, on with this one.  this morning i had to wake up at six thirty, and it's saturday!  i should probably explain why i had to get up so early, though.  i had my first soccer game at eight o'clock, and i had to be at the field in rochester at about seven forty-five.  our game went pretty well.  we tied the other team, three to three, which is pretty good for our team.  last year, the team i'm on only won about two games the whole season, so this is a big accomplishment for them and me.  i had some pretty good moves, let me tell you.  i can't wait until next week, when we have our next game.  i'm so excited!  our game got done at about nine thirty, so i came home and got ready (shower and make-up) in fifteen minutes so i could get to work by ten thirty.  boy, was i rushed.  well, work went pretty well.  not money wise, though.  i only made seven dollars and ninety-six cents in tips today, and i worked the same amount of time as i did last time i worked.  oh well.  it was a pretty crappy day outside today, so i guess that's why nobody showed up to eat at the restaurant.  i had fun talking to jonnise, denise, and ashley.  they're all pretty cool people and i can really relate to them a lot.  oh, and i found out that i'm making five dollars and fifty cents an hour, which i guess isn't too bad.  but now i'm just sitting at home on the computer while my brother is in rochester playing soccer.  i would've gone, but i really did not want to watch him out in the pouring down rain.  that would totally suck because i would totally get sick.  so, i'll go to next week's game, i think.  and then at seven o'clock there's a talent show out at my church that i'm participating in.  i'm singing the song that i sang at the solo and ensemble contest last week in medford.  well, i better go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

well, i'm officially happy, and there's really not one thing that has made me ecstatic either.  just everything in general, i guess, apart from the school thing.  just, i love josh tamez to death, as a friend.  he's such a great guy, and i can see why anna chose him to be her boyfriend.  he's so sweet.  i can't believe he offered to talk to nick for me!  well, anyways, i better say something to get it over with.  i think i might like nate lipps.  he was helping with my soccer practice last night, and he's so nice and sweet.  oh, and i like the way he calls me stromme for everything.  well, that's about all.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

wow.  i saw some pretty hott guys tonight at the track meet!  especially one, who was from byron, and he's my grandma and grandpa's neighbor, so maybe i'll get to see him again!  anyways, i had fun with brianna and leah.  brianna left about fifteen minutes after i got there, though.  i wish she coulda stayed, but she wasn't feeling good, so i understand perfectly why she wanted to go home!  i love you bri!  and i hope you feel better in the morning!  well, anyways, me and leah totally bonded tonight.  after brianna left, we talked about a lot of things and had a blast.  we really need to hang out together a lot more.  well, this was a really pointless entry and i have nothing else to say, so i better go.  i'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow morning in school.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so today was an early out.  yay!  i had to ride the bus home, so i sat with kami.  that was fun because we talked about a lot and i normally don't talk with her about some things.  but we were sitting towards the back of the bus, where all the annoying eighth and ninth grade "popular" boys sit.  hence the quotation marks around the world popular.  they are so annoying, i don't know why people would like them.  they have so much drama, and they swear every other word.  what's with that?  then they start fighting and shouting, and now i have a headache.  i swear.  what is this world coming to where the eighth and ninth grade boys rule the back of the bus?  thank goodness i should have my own car next year and i can drive me and my brother to school, even if i do have to pay forty bucks a school year for a parking spot.  oh well, it's worth it.

today was a pretty good day in school.  since it was an early out, we had each class for an hour, when we usually have them for about an hour and forty minutes.  yes, forty less minutes of spanish, my least favorite class!  but the bad thing about that is we only had five minutes between classes instead of ten minutes, like the usual days.  oh well, it was definitely worth it to get out of school early.  i don't even know why we had an early out. beats me, but at least we got out early.  so, anyways, we had a "link crew" meeting at lunch.  in case you're wondering, link crew is a group of juniors and seniors who help the new freshman cope throughout the whole school year.  since i'm only a sophomore, we had an informational meeting about how to fill out our application and how we get chosen to be on the link crew.  i'm excited.  i really hope i make it, along with some of my friends.  and then we get to be paired up with a next year's senior, which it's supposed to be guy/girl pairs.  maybe i'll get paired up with drew or nate.  that would be pretty cool.  i don't know who else for the guys are on link crew, though.  and it would be awesome if i made it and kelsey *my little cousin* could be in my freshman group.  we would have so much fun! 

well, enough about school for now.  i can't wait until five fifteen tonight!  nicki, natalie, brianna, liz, and maybe amy are coming to my house and then we're gonna go to the mall to shop and then to brick and amp.  that'll be so much fun.  just hopefully we don't have as much drama as we had last time because that would totally suck. 

well, i better go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later tonight.  luv bunchez~ meghan

wow, this weekend has been so busy for me, but it's all been fun.  cold, but fun.  here's how it all went down:

so, on friday, we had an early out.  i went shopping with nicki, brianna, liz, and natalie, and that was a blast.  i bought a bunch of stuff and it was a great time to just hang out with my friends.  oh, and i saw keifer, too, which was pretty cool since i haven't seen him forever.  well, anyways, while we were at the mall, we talked to the guy in pacsun, *who's apparently always there,* and we stayed there for a while.  it was fun, though, because he was a really nice guy.  anyways, we walked by this cell phone place in the middle of one of the branches of the mall and five guys *really cute might i add* kept watching us as we walked by, each time.  that was pretty cool.  after we went shopping, my mom brought us to brick and amp where la poema and the vast expanse both played.  it was awesome!  both of the groups were awesome and the vast expanse's message was really strong.  i learned a lot and had fun doing it.

saturday was fun, too.  since i went to bed at one in the morning and woke up eight thirty, i was pretty tired.  oh well.  i went to my brother's soccer game at eleven, and it was extremely cold outside with the wind blowing.  luckily, i was bundled up extremely well.  then we went to culver's to eat and to wal-mart to spend some time before my game at four o'clock.  boy was it cold outside in my soccer shorts and sweatshirt underneath my jersey.  we lost, 2-0, but it was a well-matched game.  then i got home from my game at about quarter to six and i baby-sat at six for my new neighbors ryan and laura wyttenbach.  they have three kids, mable, carter, and charlie, all of whom are really cute.  i was so tired.

then this morning i went to sunday school and church of course.  right after church, though, instead of going to mountain movers practice, i left right away for my cousin's birthday party in blue earth.  that was fun, although i was extremely tired.  i had a blast, and i also had really good food, which is what my family is good at making.  then i got home about an hour ago and i've been kind of bored ever since.

well, i better go.  i'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow morning in school.  luv bunchez~ meghan

why is it that whenever i fall really hard for a guy, i get mixed information on him?  i've talked to some people and i've heard the following things: he's got a girlfriend from a different town, he's going to prom with a friend and just a friend, he's got a serious girlfriend, and they're kind of a couple.  i really don't know what i want to believe anymore.  i wanna know the truth so i know if i should pursue anything or not, or if i'd even have a chance, you know?  i'm so confused, and i just wanna know everything for sure.  so, hopefully, like he said, anna's josh will ask him tomorrow for me in order to let me know and either get my hopes up or have my hopes shot down. 

on a happier note, somebody's going to aquarius this summer that i'm so happy about!  he's going with josh t, dustin b, and some guy from byron that i forgot his name.  i'm so excited! 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow in school.  luv bunchez~ meghan

was it the little things i left unsaid

the thoughts that wrapped around my head in love, in life

could it be our time was incomplete

or someone that just failed to need enough inside

and i'v elost my direction

where do i turn

you wanted something more than this

fell down for someone else's kiss

i'm lost without your light

so i drive, i don't know why but i drive

from exit to exit

coudl it be the taste was bittersweet

when it all comes down to your defeat so high, so low

crash and burn we all fall down

and i can still hear the sound of love run dry

and i've lost my connection

where have i learned?

someday i won't be lost

someday i won't miss you

someday i'll understand

but for now you're taking over me

and i've lost my direction

where do i turn

"Wherever dreams may take us...that's where happiness is found."

okay, now, i think i'm going to analyze this in terms of what happened to me today in school.  well, today, i was kinda crabby, but not like the past two days.  i think i might be PMSing or something, but who knows?  so, anyways, i'm gonna skip all the way to third block.  i have spanish third block and everybody knows that i really dislike mrs. huppler with a passion.  she's not a bad person, i just really don't like her teaching styles at all.  she grades for how often we participate in class, and i have a "C" for my participation for the first half of this quarter.  i always have my hand up, though, but she never calls on me.  for example, i was the only one with my hand up in class today, so she looked all around the room and didn't consider calling on me until she saw that i was the only student in the room with my hand up.  it was like i was her "last resort" or something.  okay, but to the quote.  i was really not happy in her class today, so i started daydreaming.  and not just daydreaming, but daydreaming great daydreams about.....HIM.  ugh, i hate doing it, but it's like i get caught up in my daydreams and i can't stop, until we have to switch to a different subject in the class or something.  so that's a reallife example to go with this quote.  but other than that, i can't think of anything else.  i always find myself dreaming about this guy, and i can't help it, i really want a chance with him.  ugh, this is getting so bad because i don't know how i can talk to him, but i'm sure that i'll find a way.  well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow morning before i go to the fccla state convention.  luv bunchez~ meghan

Dear "Best Friend":

Thanks for the incredible FCCLA weekend.  It was so much fun, up to the point where you ditched me to hang out with your "NEW" best friend.  Yeah, it could've been my fault (i don't know why, but oh well), but you didn't even invite me to go selling pizza with you or go wherever you two went.  thanks for leaving me ALONE in the hotel room with the only company in there with me being the television and my favorite radio station in the whole wide world.  i got a really good night's rest, too, because i went to sleep when you came in the room.  oh, and i met some totally new people because of you, and i even got a new crush.  so, again, thank you.  oh, and i'm sorry for whatever i did, even though i didn't do anything.  i had fun and i hope we can do it again sometime soon. 

sincerely,

meghan

wow!  today was incredibly boring.  i had fun, though, for part of it.  here's a play-by-play of my whole day:

i woke up late (my mom's fault), so i took a shower, ate breakfast, and got ready for church in a rush.  i had sunday school today and we got ready for the mountain movers service.  for those of you who don't know, mountain movers is kind of like my youth group/music group thingy.  it's actually a lot of fun now that the eighth graders have joined us and erica has gotten better.  i'm actually really happy that me and erica are actually getting along now.  yay!  she's a good friend to have, which comes as a surprise to most of you, i'm sure.  well, anyways, the mountain movers service went really well.  i read the scriptures and had a lead part in the skit.  it was a lot of fun.  then afterwards we practiced and had a potluck for mountain movers.  at this time me and josh talked quite a lot.  i was glad, but he still won't tell me what he meant when he asked me if i didn't like erica because of what he did with her.  that's still got me really confused.  i still don't think he trusts me with information like that, but i know that he can.  if he doesn't want me to tell anybody about his personal life, i won't, and he knows that, i hope.  well, onto the rest of my day.  my mom picked me up from church at 12:30 and then i got home, got ready to dance in five minutes, and went to the school at one o'clock so i could practice for the just for kix dance show.  we danced at two o'clock and it went really well.  then i watched maddie and abby dance and came home, did homework, and now i'm on the internet.  oh, by the way, did any of you watch extreme makeover: home edition?  it was awesome, wasn't it? 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow morning.  luv bunchez~ meghan

You're my inspiration

The song inside my soul

My love will last forever

You're what makes me whole

I can't wait to go to heaven

When I see the one I love

He'll be waiting for me there

My God from above

Lord, you are my inspiration

You lead me through my life

I thank you with all my heart

For helping me overcome my strife

Now I can rest in peace

Knowing that you're with me

Please keep watching as I live

Always loved and free

okay, so i just got back from my dad's best friend's wake.  jeff was actually my dad's first friend when he moved to byron from louisiana.  it's weird, i hardly knew this guy, but it was like i'd known him forever.  he was always so nice, and my dad loved him just like a brother.  he had a heart attack on saturday morning and it just devastated my dad.  it was like he was losing his own brother.  it's hard to believe that jeff was only forty years old, and it's scary at the same time.  to think that my dad could just leave me and my family behind at any time is my worst nightmare, but now i know that it could actually happen.  i cried that hardest i've ever cried at a wake before, i think, and i didn't even really know jeff that much.  but it was like he'd always been there for me, you know?  it was a mix of sadness for him losing his life, and being scared that my dad could leave....JUST LIKE THAT.  it scares the living crap out of me. 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow in school.  luv bunchez~ meghan

"There's nothing like a friendly smile to let you know that someone cares."

That's what Danna has.  A friendly smile.  When I don't feel happy or something, she can always cheer me up.  I'd have to say she's one of my best friends because she's been there for me forever.  Even though we don't hang out with the same people anymore, we're like, best friends, which is an extremely good thing because I need a friend like that.  I have other best friends, but if I'm in a fight with my "group" of friends, she'll still be there for me and I can hang out with her.  And what she said tonight when she brought me home from the talent show, "We need to get together for a movie or something," is really true.  Just me and her to catch up on everything that we've missed. 

Well, that's about everything that I wanted to write tonight.  I'll talk to most of y'all either tomorrow night at FCA or Monday morning in school.  Luv bunchez~ Meghan

"Sharing friendship warms the heart and fills the day with fun."

Wow, sharing friendship, that's a hard concept to think of.  First of all, to share friendship with someone that is always annoying you or you just don't like them, you really can't do it because you'd be doing it against your will, wouldn't you?  I do that sometimes.  And it's hard to do, period.  How are you supposed to try and be friends with someone without being mean?  It's hard, believe me.  Especially to the people that don't like you when you're trying to be friends with them.  Or the other way around.  I don't know, I guess that's just what I feel like. 

Onto a different subject.  13 days left of school!  I'm so excited, I could just pee my pants.  No, just kidding.  I wouldn't do that, but I am still excited.  Ugh!  I can't wait!  No more Spanish with Mrs. Huppler, no more math, no more boring school, and no more having to think really hard until summer is over!  Yay!  Hott guys, Aquarius, tans, Sonshine, vacation to Washington D.C., and a whole crapload more fun stuff to do this summer.  Oh, and did I mention I'm hoping to get a boyfriend this summer?  I guess that's just a minor detail, though, well, okay, maybe a major one, but not that major.

Well, I better go before my time is up on the internet.  I'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow morning.  Luv bunchez~ Meghan

"Who but a friend would agree to your crazy ideas and still love you in spite of them!"

This quote definitely reminds me of me and my friends.  We're always full of pretty weird and crazy ideas, especially when it involves boys.  Hmmm.....Yes, true, we've had some normal ideas, but most of them are crazy.  Like I'm going to help Natalie take over the world and I'm in charge of killing people.  That's one of the craziest ones I'm involved with.  But, that's what friends are for, right? 

Well, onto what happened today.  I had to play soccer at nine thirty this morning, and it rained the whole time!  I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up sick tomorrow morning.  Then I went to Culver's and then shopping and then went to Trevor's game at two thirty.  I didn't really watch his game.  I slept in the van basically the whole time.  I was so tired, though, because Kelsey and Tori came over to my house last night and slept over.  Boy, are we hyper when we get together!  We had some crazy ideas, that's for sure!  Well, anyways, then I came home for fifteen minutes and me and my madre went to the Grand March for prom.  If only I could've gone.  That would've been the best thing ever, but I'll be able to go for at least the next two years.  Yessss!!!!!!!! *insert Napoleon hand gesture here*  Anyways, my friends that were in it all looked beautiful.  And of course, so did their dates! 

Well, I better get going!  I'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow night at FCA, if I'm done with my homework and I'm not too tired.  Luv bunchez~ Meghan

"There is no place safer to be than in the caring heart of a friend."

So true.  This quote is special to me because I don't have that many "close-knit" friends.  Sure, we all say we're close, but in reality, we aren't.  We'd like to think so, but this summer I don't think we'll stay that close and we might not even hang out once school comes around again.  I hope that isn't the case, but that's what it seems like will happen.  And, this also applies to guys.  There's this one guy in particular that I know cares about me, but he doesn't open up to me, which I would like him to.  And he says he cares about me, but it's hard to believe.  So hard to believe.  I don't know what to think anymore.  I'm hoping I'm still in his heart, but who knows, after all that we've been through.  I just hope.......*off into my little think bubble mode* 

Well, I better get going.  I'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow morning.  Luv bunchez~ Meghan

"Those who gather memories of joy will always have smiles to share."

I have tons of memories, even though they aren't all happy, but then happy memories have followed them, so yeah.  Well, anyways, my memories are basically all involving friends or family.  My best memories I'd have to say, though, are with strangers that turned into my friends, except for Anna and Erin, who were already my friends before I went to camp.  We went down to Twin Lakes Christian Center in Iowa for Camp Victory this past summer.  It was awesome!  My cabinmates were the best, and so was everybody else there.  All the counselors and workers became some of my closest friends there.  And that's where I met Brady Archer.  What a cutie!  I miss him so much.  He's probably the first guy that I actually got really close to in one day and spent the rest of the time talking and hanging out with him.  I miss him.  Wow, I hope he can come up this summer because I would really love it.  Him and Jesse.  Jesse was awesome, too.  I miss him, too, just not in the same way as I miss Brady.  Brady graduates this year and Jesse graduates next year.  I wonder where they're going to college? 

Well, just thought I'd share that memory with you.  I better go.  I'll talk to most of y'all tonight at the choir concert!  Wish me luck!  Luv bunchez~ Meghan

Sorry guys, but I didn't think I'd do a quote today because this is going to be a quick update.  Five more days of school before sophomore year is over and I can look forward to being a junior!  Yay!  But also, the end of this school year is going to be so bittersweet.  I'm gonna cry at graduation, I just know it.  Just because some of my closest friends are going to be gone forever.  I mean, I'll see them, but it just won't be the same.  That reminds me, I have to write down all the parties I'm invited to because there are so many of them.  Rhen and Michelle on Sunday, and then Erica next Saturday, and then Sam, Michelle, Stacy, and Julie on Sunday.  Wow, am I gonna be busy!

On the same note, tonight is Phil's concert at St. John's at 7.  It goes until 9 and it's gonna be awesome.  Tons of us are going to be there, so if you want, go ahead and go.  17 and under are free and then it's four dollars on up. 

Well, that's about all I could think about writing about today, so I better go.  I'll talk to most of y'all tonight at the concert.  Luv bunchez~ Meghan

okay, first of all, just a recommendation to y'all!  you have to see the Kingdom of Heaven!  it's, like, one of the best movies i've ever seen! 

okay, onto a more serious matter.  for all of you out there reading this that prays, please add my aunt and uncle and their two kids to your list.  they're going through some really tough times right now, to the point where splitting up seems like the answer.  just pray that this is the right thing to do, and that they will be blessed with happy lives from here on out.  i and they would greatly appreciate it.

thank you.  meghan

"Since love grows within you, so beauty grows.  For love is the beauty of the soul."  ~Saint Augustine

This is so definitely true.  When you love somebody, you are bearing your soul.  I really haven't loved somebody in that way yet.  Of course, I love my friends, but that's a different kind of love from what I want to experience.  Yeah, my friends may have been in love once or something, but I don't like experiencing that because that's not me that's in love.  I don't know.  I really want to fall in love, just to experience that, but maybe that's just me.  It may sound weird or like a teenage girl thing, but it's the truth.  Even though, you may think I'm weird, it's true, and it's not gonna change. 

Well, that's about all I wanted to write for today.  I'll talk to most of y'all tonight at FCA and then at Rhen's bonfire.  Luv bunchez~ Meghan

"Love is made memory by memory, dream by dream, smile by smile."

Don't know if this is true or not yet.  Haven't really fallen in love, but I guess I love my friends like the sisters I never had, so this might apply to that.  I mean, we have lots of great memories, we dream great dreams together, and we're almost always smiling with each other, or at least we try to.  But sometimes, this stuff doesn't make love.  I don't want to sound pessimistic, but when I went out with Josh, we had all three of these things (not so much dreams), and I didn't feel like he was my boyfriend, which means I didn't "love" him in that way.  I'm sorry if that confused any of you, but I'm just trying to explain the jumbled amount of thoughts floating around in  my mind right now, because there's a whole crapload of them. 

Speaking of love, I want to let y'all know about how my soccer team is doing.  I'd have to say soccer is another one of my "loves."  Like dance, USED TO BE.  Who knows, maybe dance will be better now that I'm on varsity, but we are going to be double a instead of single a this year.  Who knows?  Anyways, so far, my team has had six games and two scrimmages.  With the real games we have two wins, two ties, and two losses.  2, 2, and another 2.  Which is pretty good considering that the same team sucked last year, no offense to any of you if you are reading this.  Then with our scrimmages we've tied once and lost once, but the sad thing is, we lost to a team of boys that were like two or three years younger than us!  They shut us out tonight.  4-0.  How sucky is that?  Oh well, maybe next time we'll beat the crap out of them and shut them out.  Who knows?  Wow, you know what?  I just realized that I say the phrase "Who knows?" a lot.  Maybe two or three times in each paragraph in each of my blogs.  Wow, that's crazy. 

Anyways, four days of school left.  I'm so excited!  I guess today went faster than I expected it to.  These next days, though, are gonna be the longest ones of my life, I think.  Now there's seven days until my sweet 16!  Yesssss!  *insert Napoleon hand gesture here*  And now there's nine days until I can take my drivers' test!  Yesss!  *another hand gesture*  So, yeah, that's about all that I'm excited for. 

Well, I gotta go.  I'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow morning in school because jazz band was over a week and a half ago.  Yay!  Luv bunchez~ Meghan 

"Friendship is a gift that grows more precious through the years."

Wow, definitely true for me.  I've had tons of friendships in the past, and I still have most of them.  They get more special day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year.  A major example of this would definitely have to my friendship with Brianna.  We were, like, best friends in elementary school, but then we never really hang out for like five years, and then now we're bestest buds now in high school.  I think that's awesome.  And me and Natalie.  We were always fighting in elementary and intermediate school, but now we tell each other almost everything, which is awesome.  Friendship is a special gift, so treasure it with all of your heart before you lose it because of something stupid.  Also, if you have that one special relationship with that one special person, treasure it like you would die if you lose it because that just could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Well, onto some fun stuff now.  For those of you that don't know, my sweet 16 is coming up in SIX DAYS!!!!!!!!  Yay.  And I just thought I'd have a wish list.  Nothing special, I'm not expecting any of it, just, I thought it would be fun to have it one on here.  Here it goes:

Mustang convertible

Any music of any kind

Any awesome movies

A boyfriend, but that's not too important (YEAH RIGHT!)

Scrapbooking stuff

And tons of other things!

Well, that's about all I have for today, folks.  I'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow morning in school.  Only two more days left!  Yessss!  Luv bunchez~ Meghan

When a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL looks down, It means shes uncomfortable.

When a GIRL is not arguing, She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions, She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds, She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you, She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL gives you her number saying call me sometime. she means she wishes for a call when she gets home.

When a GIRL calls you everyday, She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, She wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says "I love you", She means it.

When a GIRL says that she can't live without you, She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "I miss you", No one in this world can miss you more than that

When a GIRL is jealous about other people seeing you more than she does, its because she loves you and misses you so much

Repost this bulletin in 5 minutes and you will get lucky If you do not repost this bulletin you will get bad luck

1. What's the first word that comes to mind when you think of me?

2. Go to Google and search for that word.

3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results (don't tell me the word).

4. Put this in your own blog so that I can do the same.

okay, so today i had to wake up on a summer vacation day at seven thirty so i could walk to work at eight forty-five.  for those of you who don't know already, i work at country pleasures cafe in kasson on mantorville avenue.  it's a lot of fun being a waitress, actually, and i thought it would be a ton harder than it actually is.  all you have to worry about is dropping something or forgetting someone's order.  i haven't done either of those yet.  and the best part is, i get tips!  and many people tip really well now.  i worked for six and a half hours today and i made nineteen dollars and thirty-three cents in tips, so that's pretty good.  and i still have to work three more days this week!  yay!  so, i get tips plus my paycheck and i'm good to go do anything with my friends.  isn't that awesome? 

now onto an even better subject:  amy's party on thursday night.  i'm really hoping i can stay overnight, but i don't know what time i have to work on friday morning since my boss is closing at ten thirty.  who knows, though?  i sure don't.   but i'll be able to go for sure, amy, so don't worry about that.  it's just a matter of staying overnight or not. 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later this week at amy's party!  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so for those of you who didn't go or didn't know about it, scott stroh had a bonfire out at his house last night.  rhen called me about it *yay!* and so i went out to it, and i had a lot of fun, too.  when i first got there, it was only me, pete maas, his girlfriend angie, and scott.  we played bocce ball forever until kaitlin borland showed up.  it was a surprise to see her there, but i realized that she's pretty cool.  i'd love to hang out with her again.  then tom whalen came, then malinda madery, nicki, brianna, leah, will lohrbach, and breanna auringer.  it was a bunch of fun, but then i had to leave at ten forty-five because my parents wanted me home at eleven o'clock.  and guess who brought me home!  RHEN!  i was so happy that he actually said he could bring me home, and we had a long talk all the way home about going to college and stuff.  if only i could have mustered *i like that word* up enough courage to ask him the question that has been on my mind forever.  WHO DOES HE LIKE?  i have no idea and i really want to know.  thank you nicki!  for getting his screenname and then hopefully *crossing my fingers* figuring stuff out for me. 

then today i had to work again at nine o'clock until three oh five.  that was pretty fun, but busy and tiring work.  i worked with christina dessner *spelling* and she's pretty cool.  i remember baby-sitting for her two little sister before, and she was only in high school.  now she's engaged to somebody *don't know who*, but i wish her all the luck in the world.  she's such a cool person and she helped me a lot today with stuff that i didn't what to do with.  so, yeah, that was fun.  and the best part is, are you ready for it?  wait for it, wait for it.....scott and rhen came and visited me!  they had lunch and we talked for a while, and now i like rhen even more.  and scott, i can't forget about him.  he's a great friend, and i'm glad i got to know him more at the end of the school year.  hopefully i can hang out with him and everybody else more this summer before all the seniors go off to college.  boy, will i miss the seniors!  it's unbelievable! 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ MEGHAN

one question to all of you who might know the answer:

what is with the making plans and then not telling someone that they're changed or giving them any information about it?

i hate it when my friends tell me about something that's going on a couple days before the actual day and then they make other plans and leave me hanging.  like tonight for example, all i've heard about nicki's bonfire is that there is one, and that's what i heard on monday.  now all i know is that nicki, becky, and brianna went into rochester, and i don't know anything about what's going on.  this has been going on too much lately, and then "everybody" is invited to do something, but me and anna don't get called?  hmmmm.....interesting. 

well, that's all i wanted to talk about and complain about right now.  there might be more later.  oh, and if there's any information somebody's not telling me (don't want to hang out with me, it's cancelled, that sort of thing), please let me know.  i didn't make any plans because i thought i'd be going to nicki's tonight. 

well, i gotta go.  i'll hopefully talk to most of y'all tonight, and if not, tomorrow night at amy's party.  luv bunchez~ meghan

last night, i was thinking a lot about when he leaves.  august twentieth is not that far from today, if you think about it.  especially when i leave in a week for a two and a half week vacation.  and then i thought of a song that sums up a lot perfectly.  it's called think of me from the phantom of the opera.  i hope you like it:

think of me, think of me fondly, when we've said goodbye.  Remember me once in a while - please promise me you'll try.  When you find that, once again, you long to take your heart back and be free, if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me.  We never said our love was evergreen, or as unchanging as the sea - but if you can still remember stop and think of me...Think of all the things we've shared and seen, don't think about the things which might have been...Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned.  Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind.  Recall those days look back on all those times, think fo the things we'll never do - there will never be a day, when I won't think of you...We never said our love was evergreen, or as unchanging as the sea - but please promise me, that sometimes you will think of me.

just wanted to say that i'll miss you guys.  it has just now hit me that we'll be gone for eighteen days, which is more than half a month.  i want to hear all that's happened here at home while i'm on vacation, so keep me updated and tell me stories.  that's about it, and i just wanted to say that i'll miss you.

luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, first of all, i just want to say that i am ashamed to be from the state of minnesota.  our government is so stupid.  they're like little kids.  they can't decide our budgets, so in turn nine thousand people are out of jobs for right now, rest stops are closed, and tons of teenagers can't get their driver's licenses, including me.  i'm supposed to take my test tomorrow morning at eight o'clock, but i can't because the license place is closed because of the stupid government.  why couldn't i have lived in wisconsin or something?  i've been looking forward to getting my license since the last time i took my test, but now i can't, and i'll most likely have to reschedule it because other people will be taking theirs.  thus i probably won't have my license by the start of the school year, thus i won't be able to drive me and my brother to school, and thus i won't be able to sleep in and say that i can drive when i'm a junior.  i hate it!  if anybody from our government is reading this, i hope you feel guilty.  i wish i could vote because i'd vote everybody out of office!  you suck! 

sorry, but i just had to vent some frustration there, but anyways.  last night me and brianna were planning on going to aquarius, but nobody else was going and we didn't want to be the only ones there.  two people just wouldn't have been fun.  instead, i stayed overnight at her house.  me and her walked up to erdman's, then talked to buechler at the dollar and video store, talked to people on the internet, and then natalie and scott came over.  so, the four of us went driving and ended up calling rhen, but he was at his mom's birthday party, so he couldn't hang out with us last night.  boy, was i bummed.  oh well, another time, i guess.  well, anyways, we ended up at erdman's and then back at brianna's house.  before that we met up with becky and then she came over when we were done at erdman's.  then janna and nicki came over after they were done with work.  it was a fun time.  we will definitely have to do that again sometime.  i'm definitely looking forward to it.  maybe it'll be at my house the next time.  who knows?

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later today.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so last night i watched joy ride and wicker park.  wicker park has to be my all time favorite movie now.  it's awesome!  it's semi-confusing at first, but then it gets exciting, and plus, josh hartnett is in it, so what could be better?  nothing, right?  especially since he's a native minnesotan.  maybe i'll run into him someday.  probably not, but a girl can hope.  especially me.  i'm definitely going to hope.  so, anyways, he sleeps with two girls in the movie and all that jazz, and his best friend sleeps with one of the girls he's slept with; it's a very confusing movie.  oh well, it was worth all the confusion.  i loved it!  i might just watch it again before leah picks me up tonight while my parents and my brother are at  one of my dad's best friend's brother's birthday party. 

next on my list of subjects to talk about, today at work.  wow, it was such a busy day today.  i made twenty-four dollars in tips, plus i made five fifty an hour.  pretty good, huh?  well, anyways, it was so boring right away when i got there at eight this morning.  nobody was there.  but at about nine o'clock, it got extremely busy.  like non-stop until we closed at two o'clock.  then me and jonnise (my boss's daughter) walked to her house and she showed me her newly decorated room.  it's awesome.  if i would have had my camera, i would've taken a picture to show you guys, that's how awesome it was.  so, yeah, now i'm on the internet.

now, tonight, i'm being picked up by leah to go to the byron teen dance.  it's in no other place, but byron, of course.  (sorry, i just had to put that in there)  anyways, it's from eight o'clock to eleven thirty, so that should be fun.  i'm just hoping i can meet some pretty cool people (ahem!  boys) there.  that would be awesome.

and now, one final thing that i want to talk about.  my group of friends.  what's with making plans, cancelling them, and then promising to do it again?  i'm confused.  i'm always hurt when i don't get invited places, or i've been waiting for a phone call all day, but then i don't get it. 

well, i gotta go.  just thought i'd express my thoughts and feelings and what i've done in the past and what i'm going to do tonight.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so last night, i had fun.....to a certain point.  i loved dancing with my friends, going to dairy queen, seeing the guys in byron, and just hanging out with everybody.  but then there's the fact that me and brianna felt completely left out because we aren't pretty enough for the guys that were there.  did they talk to us about us?  no, they didn't.  they talked to us about our two friends.  yeah, that makes us feel better.  i didn't like it at all, so me and brianna just went to talk about it and try and feel better about ourselves.  but it never really worked.  so, then my two friends found out and one brought a guy over to dance with brianna during one of the few slow songs, leaving me to sit by myself and wonder what was happening.  so, i was pissed.  it just was not a good night for me.  i just hope i can keep my cool around all of my friends, not just those ones that i was with last night.  i'm not mad at anybody in particular, and i'm not really mad, but i'm just disappointed with how last night turned out.  it was supposed to be a whole fun night, but only parts about it were fun.  i love how some of my friends tried to make us feel better, but, i don't know how to explain it, it just doesn't work.  the plain fact is....i don't feel pretty enough for some of the guys when my prettier friends are around.  i just feel so intimidated by them.  they don't look at me with interest, just my friends, and i hate it.  i want to change things about me, but i can't.  i just can't.  i know God made me this way because He has a purpose for me, but it's hard to remember all of that.  i just hope that i can realize that before it's too late.

last night i came home and cried.  just plain bawled my eyes out.  but then i got my Bible out and found something amazing.  it was like God was speaking right to me through Psalm 25:

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.  O my God, in you I trust; do not let me be put to shame; do not let my enemies exult over me.

Do not let those who wait for you be put to shame; let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths.  Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long.

Be mindful of your mercy, O Lord, and of your steadfast love, for they have been from of old.  Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for your good ness' sake, O Lord!

Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs inners in the way.  He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.  All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his convenant and his decrees.

For your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great.  Who are they that fear the Lord?  He will teach them the way that they should choose.

They will abide in prosperity, and their children shall possess the land.  The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes his covenant known to them.  My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.  Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me out of my distress.  Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.

Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me.  O guard my life, and deliver me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.  may integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.

Redeem Israel, O God, out of all its troubles.

So, that's that.  It's my prayers from now on whenever i need help.  well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

"Friends will be there to share the ups and downs of life."

"A friend makes you feel needed no matter what."

"A true friends cheerfully forgets the times when we aren't quite our best."

"Even friendship takes a little hard work now and then."

"A friend is always there when you need a helping hand."

"The journey is the reward."  ~Lao Tzu

"Friends help us leave our mistakes behind us."

"Good times, bad times, any time - friends are there."

"Good friends stand by you right to the end."

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for."  ~Ephesians 1:11a

"A heart at peace gives life to the body."  ~Proverbs 14:30a

"We should have great peace if we did not busy ourselves with what others say and do."  ~Thomas a Kempis

"Promises may get friends, but it is performance that must nurse and keep them."  ~Own Felltham

"Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy."  ~James 1:2

hey guys.  just wanted to let y'all know that i'm going to sonshine, a big christian music festival, this weekend starting tomorrow and ending sunday.  i'm really excited because i'll be with darrin, april, denae, alex, dustin, nina, josh, and laura.  josh, dustin, darrin, and denae are my second cousins, and i haven't hung out with them in forever.  and april, alex, nina, and laura are either fiancees or girlfriends.  april is darrin's fiancee and alex is denae's fiancee.  i'm so excited, though.  it should be a blast.  i'll miss you guys, but i'll definitely take a bunch of pictures for you.  well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, every time i'm doing something fun, i feel like i'm not good enough, and i don't know why.  i think i'm lonely because i see everyone having fun and having a boyfriend or "significant other" and i don't have one.  i don't need one, but you know how teenage girls think.  boyfriends make them "complete."  God makes me complete, but i still feel like i don't belong anywhere.  i've talked to God about it, and it makes me feel good about myself, but i don't know how to keep that good feeling with me.  i'm so confused about how i'm feeling right now, and i don't know how to fix it. 

on a happier note, i'm going to the movie tonight at seven o'clock if anyone else wants to come along.  if you're gonna come, give me a call so i can save you a seat. 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to ya later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

i'm so excited!  i passed!  yay!  now tonight i get to drive into byron to surprise my grandparents with my license!  yay!  and that would be the grandparents with really hott neighbors, so maybe something will come out of that, too.  well, anyways, this time taking the test seemed so much better than the first time.  i had a lady that was so much better than the last guy i had.  she even joked with me about my dad's packers stickers in the windows and his green bay packer license plate holder.  i was so happy when i was done!  yay!  just thought i'd let everyone know.  well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later, hopefully.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, like i said in my last blog, i got my license today.  what an important part of my life now!  i just got back from an hour of driving (yes, my parents actually let me go), and i drove into byron, which requires me to drive on the highway.  it is so exhiliration (sp?) to drive by yourself on the highway with the windows down and the music blaring.  i love it!  i will definitely have to do it all the time now.  just my dad can't find out that i have the radio on because he said that i can't drive with the radio on for a while.  what a stupid rule!  i definitely don't agree with it, and neither does my mom, but we both can't argue with my dad when he has his mind set to something.  but, hey, oh well.  so, yeah.  i love having my license and having the freedom to drive all by myself.  and sorry if i didn't stop by your house or something, but i had only an hour and i would get into trouble if i wasn't home by seven thirty.  but you know what's gay?  my dad wasn't even home when i got home.  stupid, huh?  and he didn't even let me know that he was going anywhere.  i'm kinda mad because i could have spent a lot longer driving, but now i can't.  oh well.  i'll be able to drive more tomorrow.  well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so yesterday wasn't so bad.  i just hung out with my family, which i thought would be horrible, but it actually wasn't.  we ate supper, then i drove up to erdman's to rent a movie for us to watch.  it's actually hard to rent a movie for a family with me (i like any kind of movie, but especially romantic comedies that aren't appropriate for my little brother), my brother (who really can't watch too many pg-13 movies yet), and my parents (don't like swearing, sex, and any other profanity).  but i finally decided on coach carter, and my family liked that decision.  that movie is awesome!  if you haven't seen it yet, i definitely recommend it.  channing tatum ("mr." lyle) is so hott!  wow!

well, anyways, i really have no plans again today.  i'm just taking my brother to herbie: fully loaded at one or four today in kasson.  i thought it would be good and my parents couldn't bring trevor, so i offered to drive him up there.  my parents are still deciding if i can drive him or if we should walk or they could drop us off.  i hope they decide to let me bring him.  they can trust me.  i won't kill him.  other than that, though, i have no plans.  so, if anybody wants to hang out, just give me a call, cuz i'll be here. 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

p.s. - have fun at the warped tour tomorrow becky and nicki!  i hope you have loads of fun!

so, i'm oober excited. i get the car tonight. not for my own having fun type of night, just to go to captains practice, bible school, and home. maybe me and trevor will stop for ice cream, though, after bible school. 

that's all i wanted to say, so i'll talk to y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

thanks again for another fun-filled night!  NOT!!!!!!!!!!  (sense the sarcasm?)  i can't believe all of you just like to ditch me because my parents don't have the same rules as yours do.  your parents might not have rules, but guess what, newsflash, MINE DO!!!  you have no consideration whatsoever for what i want to do.  yeah, i wanted to go to dustin's, but don't my friends care that i can't?  obviously, you don't care enough.  bri, i'm not blaming you for anything, and i already told you that, but i'm still pissed.  no matter what we're doing, plans change, rules are broken, and i'm left crying at home because i've been ditched.....AGAIN!  and nobody cares.  brianna and natalie are the only ones that talked to me about it, but i still feel the same way.  i'm thinking i want new friends.  but i like the friends i have, just they're always leaving me behind because i can't do as much as they can.  thanks, guys.  i really appreciate it.  i'm always left coming home and crying or just hanging out with my parents.  don't get me wrong, that's fun and all, but it's just not the same.  so tomorrow night at bri's party, if i act hostile, i have a reason.  yeah, guys would be cool to hang out with, especially the guys from the riot, but they're guys!  do they give a rat's butt about us right now?  obviously not because they didn't do what they said they were gonna do!  i want new friends, i really do, but it's hard.  nobody cares.  nobody ever cares.  not about other people, but just about themselves.  and especially not about people that have rules to follow.  if there's rules, they're meant to be broken, right?  well, not for me.  remember aquarius last year?  that's not gonna happen again because then my license will be taken away and i won't be able to do anything ever again.  i'm not sure i ever want to do things with my friends ever again either.  i have true friends that care about me.  yeah, you say you care about me, but every time we hang out, i get hurt and pushed down, again and again.  I HATE IT!  and maybe this will blow over, but i'll always remember it.  i respect you guys, i really do.  but that respect diminishes every time something else like this happens, and that seems like every time i hang out with you.  and tomorrow night at bri's party, i'm showing up early, and i'm really going to try to have fun, but i'm not sure if that's going to happen.  i'm gonna forgive you guys because that's what God wants us to do, but i'm never gonna forget.  i love you guys like my sisters, but i don't feel like you love me the same way back.  i'm gonna pray like crazy tonight that i can feel differently tomorrow, and i hope that it will be just like old times tomorrow night.  we'll just have to see. 

well, i gotta go.  i'm sorry i "witched" at all of you tonight, but i had to get it out, otherwise i would never be able to forgive myself for holding so many grudges.  hopefully we'll all start off on a fresh slate tomorrow and we can work out our differences.  i'll hopefully see most of y'all tomorrow night at bri's house, and i'm sorry.  luv bunchez~ meghan

it's been two days since Erik passed away.  it's going by so slowly for me; i wonder how it is for his family.  anyways, i've been praying so hard for him right now.  i know he's watching down on us and is in the house of the Lord, but it's just hard to believe that he's gone.  it's hard to believe that anybody that young can be gone.  thursday night is his wake at the Mahn funeral home in rochester from five to eight.  i'm definitely going to go to that, since i have to work on friday when his burial and memorial service are.  i wish i could go to both of those, but i can't.  it's gonna be hard to see him in that casket on thursday night, and i don't know how i'm gonna do it.  i'm scared, but i know he's in a better place, so it shouldn't have to be that hard.  we'll miss him, but we'll be with him again once it's our time to leave this world.

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

wow, i thought today would be better at work, but it was so boring, just like every other day that i work.  it was boring, and then it got super fast, which sucks even worse because we get too busy and then my boss gets mad if we do something too slow or get something wrong on accident or write something down wrong.  oh well, i guess it's better fast because i get more tips, but it still sucks.  and then tonight i have no plans, again, except for driving my cousins and little brother to and from soccer camp at various times.  that's the only thing that i'm excited for.  my mom won't even let me drive to christy's house to deliver something to her.  now that really sucks.  but maybe tonight i'll find somebody to go to the movie with me.  if you want to, just give me a call.  it's war of the worlds.  well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later, hopefully.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so as i told you all on tuesday, erik's reviewal was last night from five to eight at the mahn funeral home in rochester.  i worked at just like home daycare until four thirty, and then my mom picked me up so we could go right into town to see him for the last time, since i had to work today and i couldn't go to his burial or memorial service at all.  well, that was tough last night.  it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, but it was still tough.  he looked better than i'd seen him in a long time, and i kept thinking that that was what he looked like up in heaven right now looking down on us all.  and there were so many people that i knew there with tears in their eyes or streaming down their faces, so that made it even harder, and of course, i cried.  but think about.  he's in no pain, he can do everything he couldn't do after his first surgery, and he was watching out for all the people that he loved.  he's in the most perfect place a person could ask for. 

while i was there last night, rhen, pete, mike, and kendra came in to say their goodbyes.  i haven't seen rhen in forever, so that was also hard for me.  i realize that i still really have feelings for him, but i know nothing will ever come from them.  it was even harder to see him in nice pants, dress shirt, tie, and his hair long and shaggy.  he was so hott, and mixed with him personality, that was awesome.  i'll miss him, that's for sure, and i really want to have a relationship with him, but i know that will never happen because he's afraid of hurting me and him when he leaves for college on august twentieth.  i just wish something could happen between me and him.  it was definitely hard last night for two reasons.

well, anyways, tonight is the relay for life, so i'm gonna be up there all night and even into the morning.  i'm crossing my fingers that i'll meet some cool people like i do every year and then that it doesn't rain.  it rained last year at the end of it, and that really sucked.

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  feel free to come out to the dodge county fairgrounds tonight for the relay!  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so this morning i've been watching ebert and roper criticizing all the movies that i want to see.  take dukes of hazzard for example.  they both gave it a thumbs down because it's not good acting and sean william scott and johnny knoxville were "felons."  whatever that meant.  and then almost all the other movies they gave thumbs down to, also.  sucky critics.

well, onto another topic.  two nights ago was the relay for life.  it was awesome!  i had so much fun and it was for such a good cause.  i didn't win anything at the silent auction that i bid for, but that's okay.  there were so many hott guys there, especially from dodge center.  they had a team for the dodge center pool, so they were mostly lifeguards.  they were hott, it was awesome!  but anyways, our relay for life team raised about a thousand dollars this year, which is good, considering we only had eight people on our team, opposed to thirteen last year.  and altogether the relay raised at lease one hundred and thirty-one thousand dollars, which is awesome! 

last night i baby-sat for two really awesome kids.  and now their mom is pregnant with another one.  that'll be awesome, but anyways, i better go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

ever since brianna's party, i haven't done anything with my friends, which is really weird.  usually i do at least one thing a week with everybody, but i haven't done that for a while.  of course i've hung out with a few people, but not my close friends.  i just feel like we don't know each other or anything.  i saw leah this morning, natalie at erdman's the other day, but that's about all i've seen of all my close friends.  last night i hung out with joanna, her boyfriend josh, and megan lewis.  we went to joanna's house first, and then we drove into byron to go to dairy queen.  that was really fun, but it wasn't as fun as i usually have when me and my other friends hang out in a big group.  hopefully the festival in the park will change this feeling that i have.  thursday night is the teen dance and little miss and master pageant, friday is the street dance, saturday is the games in the park, car show, belly-flop contest, swim meet, and fireworks, and sunday is the grand parade at one thirty.  i'll probably call someone to go to things with me, but i'll have to see.  and today i'm hanging out with my cousins and aunt at the movie theater.  we're going to watch the sisterhood of the travelling pants.  i can't wait!  everybody says that it is a great movie, so i'm oober excited to watch it with my cousins and aunt, sherri.  and then there's keifer.  i'm so excited for what's in store for us.  he's called me a couple times and we always email back and forth.  maybe something serious will come out of it, maybe not, but i hope we just get to be better friends no matter what.

well, that's about all that i want to talk about, so if any of you wanna hang out this afternoon or tonight, just give me a call!  i'll talk to most of y'all later, i hope.  luv bunchez~ meghan

 i know exactly why i'm in so much pain right now.  last night i discovered that i have a cancor sore on the left side of my mouth right between the two places where my left teeth were extracted from.  and no pain medication will get rid of the pain right now!  not even vikadin, which really sucks.  so now i know that it's not my actual teeth that hurt, it's a sore where i probably got poked by some surgeon's tool.  stupid oral surgery!  remind me to never get oral surgery again. 

but last night i also had fun besides finding the humongous sore.  i went out to amy's house and had a bonfire with her at about seven thirty.  i had to leave by nine, so i thought i'd go before everyone else and hang out with the few people that were out there.  it turned out to be a great time.  dean, donna, anthony, amy, me, liz, and scott always have a great time when we hang out together.  i only wish i could have stayed longer so i could have seen the rest of my friends.  oh well, i should see most of them tonight at LINK Crew training.  that should be a bunch of fun. 

well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later, hopefully.  luv bunchez~ meghan

i got my haircut today!  it's super cute, and this may sound stupid, but i used a picture of britney spears's old hair cut (when she was "innocent"), and it turned out pretty cute.  not that i want to look like her or anything, it's just that her picture was the only one that actually somewhat looked like how i want my hair.  and no nicki, i didn't copy you.  i didn't get side bangs or anything, so our hair won't look the same.  and now tonight sometime i'm gonna dye my hair red.  remember when i did that the last time?  it didn't stay in for a while, but this time it should, i hope.  well, i gotta go.  i'll talk to most of y'all later.  luv bunchez~ meghan

p.s. - anybody going to the girls' soccer game tonight?  cuz i'd love to go! 

okay, so this morning we had a LINK crew freshman orientation for the incoming freshmen.  it was so fun!  my group was so cool.  and i'm glad me and malinda are co-leaders of group number fourteen.  they're so awesome!  i can't wait until the next time we get together with our freshmen because it'll be a blast!

then after that i brought kelsey to grandma's house, and then i went to work, and let my mom leave early because she had a bunch of errands to run.  what fun, huh?  and now i have captains' practice for dance tonight at the high school from five to six, but i really don't want to go.  especially since my mom doesn't want me to do any strenuous activity tonight because my teeth are still bothering me.  of course with a little vikadin or ibuprofen they're fine, but my "clots could still come out."  well, i'm really tired, so i guess i am kind of glad that i don't have to do much tonight.

and then tomorrow is the first day of school.  yay!  and no, at the same time.  i'm ready to go back to see everybody, but i don't want to start all the stressing out, meetings, lunch-time fights, and endure all the homework.  but today i saw some really new hott faculty members.  one of them is a student teacher for mr. wilke at social studies, and he was so hott!  oh, and did i mention that he's a student teacher, which means he's in college?  yay!  and then the new media technician is so hott, too.  yay!  at least two hott new faculty members, and maybe more!  i can't wait!  but, yeah, i want school to start because i've been bored the last couple of weeks.  of course, my meetings and working have kept me busy, but that can only be interesting for so long. 

and now for my schedule for the school year.  let me know if i have anything with you!:

First Quarter:

American Literature with Mrs. Kannenberg

Child Development 1-1 with Mrs. Lindquist

World History and Geography with Mr. Hegerle

Choir/Band with Mrs. Harwood and Mr. Johnson

Second Quarter:

Writing with Mrs. Frarck

SW College Algebra with Mrs. Rood

Spanish 3-1 with Mrs. Hoff

Choir/Band with Mrs. Harwood and Mr. Johnson

Third Quarter:

Spanish 3-2 with Mrs. Hoff

Chemistry 1-1 with Mrs. Wiitanen

Computer Applications 2 with Mr. Fernholz (Jake's brother!)

Choir/Band with Mrs. Harwood and Mr. Johnson

Fourth Quarter:

Economics with Mr. Wilke (and hopefully his student teacher!)

Chemistry 1-2 with Mrs. Wiitanen

SW Special Functions Trigonometry with Mrs. Rood

Choir/Band with Mrs. Harwood and Mr. Johnson

Well, let me know if i have any classes with you.  well, i gotta go.  let me know if i have any classes with you, and i'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow on the first day of school!  luv bunchez~ meghan

well, the first two days of school are done for us.  yay!  that means our first week has been completed, finally!  and next week, it's only a four day week!  HECK YESSS!  and tonight is our first football game at triton.  i hope we kick some triton booty!  we better!  and i get to watch my guy friends play, and even the one that i like, but he's a sophomore, so he's most likely not gonna play that much anyways.  oh well, at least i'll get to see him in his football uniform.  and maybe next week, i'll get to wear his jersey.  i'm gonna ask him sometime next week, with the help of megan lewis, of course!  well, i gotta go.  i hope to see y'all tonight at the football game!  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so this weekend was labor day weekend, and we got today (monday) off for school, due to the holiday.  i'm glad we got the extra day.  ease into school.  yay!  but anyways, this weekend was so much fun!  friday night was our first football game against trition, and we won, 34-6.  isn't that awesome?  and i got to see tanner in his football uniform and hang out with a bunch of my friends.  it was great fun.  then on saturday i worked from eight to eleven thirty, and then we closed early.  at one, my family and i left to go up to the cities to stay overnight, but first, we went and took a tour of the st. olaf campus.  it's so beautiful there in northfield; i would love to go there for college.  that school is definitely on my list now.  and then after that we went to apple valley and stayed overnight at the americinn there.  we stayed there with our family friends, john, denise, and jonnise.  it was so much fun.  we went to old chicago for supper, and then us girls (minus jonnise) went to kohl's to go shopping.  i bought some super cute pink pants that say retro in brown, and then a brown t-shirt that says will work for shoes, which is definitely true.  and then i also bought a really cute bright pink and bright green purse with a daisy on it for about three dollars, which is oober cheap.  so, i had a great night shopping.  then on sunday, we went to valleyfair.  that was so much fun!  there were also many hott guys there, that i would definitely love to see again, but i probably won't.  anyways, i'm not the kind of person that likes to go on really wild rides, like rollercoasters or big drops.  but i tried two new rides that i had never been on before.  they were excalibur and the corkscrew.  next time i'm gonna try wild thing and steel venom.  work my way up to the power tower.  and then today i slept in until ten thirty, and then i did my homework.  at four o'clock i went to the movie (skeleton key) with nicki.  i was gonna invite tanner to it, but i chickened out at the last minute.  and i really don't have an excuse for it either, because i got his phone number from shayna on friday night.  after the movie, i went to my grandma's house for supper and s'mores, which was a lot of fun.  kelsey wasn't there, though, because she was at a twin's game.  i hope she had fun!  well, i better get going.  i'll talk to most of y'all tomorrow morning in school.  luv bunchez~ meghan

okay, so that subject is really weird, but what i meant by it was, i found out his myspace, so now i can actually talk to him and catch up with him.  before i never thought that i would be able to do that, but now i can!  i'm so excited!  so, yeah, yay me!  well, i gotta go, before i get into trouble.  i'll talk to most of y'all in school tomorrow morning.  luv bunchez~ meghan

Why do I have to fall so hard

When you don't even care

I try so hard to act myself

But my heart just ends up bare

They all push me to talk to you

But I can't make it work

You always seem to be surrounded

With some of the biggest jerks

My friends don't begin to understand

That you probably hate me

After all the pushing that they've done

There will never be a "we"

I'm sorry I was bothersome

And that my friends were, too

I don't think they'll do it again

Because I don't want to scare you